In the Distant Past: Prudence felt the rain pick up as she shoved the final rock into place and sealed the entrance as best she could. The tomb of the Sky Kings would survive the rains, she prayed, so that future generations might remember them. Only she remained of all those who had not fled to Earth when the Red Death had burst its ancient bonds, the last of the Seven Thunders, the last human who would walk upon Olympus. And soon, even she would be gone. The final curse of the Red Death, his last stroke, was coming upon them, storms that would pound the ruins to rubble, and erase the life which had grown upon the many worlds that surrounded his gaseous prison. Prudence prayed this one last monument would stand, but feared it too would fall. At least the rain had put out the fires that had consumed Olympus. There remained only one final problem. She now bore the Sky King's Thunderbolts. What would she do with them? While she lived, she could wield them, but she knew it would be centuries or longer before any of the fallen were reborn. I will take them to Earth, she thought. Perhaps a better solution will present itself. Or at least I will have time to think. She wanted to cry for her father, who had burnt himself out in the battle with the Red Death; it would take a dozen lives before he returned to his full power, and until that time, he would always be haunted by the shadows of deeds he could not accomplish with his crippled strength. She wanted to cry for her mother, who had burnt herself out as well, to save a world not even hers. And she wanted to cry for her siblings and her friends, the Seven Thunders, especially for Justice, whom she had loved. But instead, she cried for all the people of Jupiter, who had died pointlessly and painfully, whom they had failed. For the fallen, it would not matter that they had won. Hours later, she was soaked to the gills, and only her possession of the Thunderbolts had prevented some random bolt of lightning ending her life. She stood; it was time to go and see if anything else survived. Earth would stand, even if all else fell, but perhaps some of the other kingdoms had survived as well. Earth first. If that had fallen, then all was doomed. If it still stood, there was hope for the others. She paused, and soothed herself by fingering the elaborate ring on a chain she wore round her neck. The ring had belonged to her parents, and now it was hers, and would be her daughter's, if she one day found someone to marry. It was an elaborate piece of work, four interlocked clouds, each made from a different metal, the symbol of the Sky King. She had not expected to inherit it; it should have passed to her brother, or if he had died, her elder sister, but they were both fallen. There was only her to carry on. She would do her best. Her calm restored, Prudence held the quiver of Thunderbolts aloft, and shouted words of power. She vanished, leaving the storm to its work. ***************** Children of Fire A Sailor Moon/Ranma Elseworld Chapter 7: Big Daddy Is Back http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/SMR/ By John Biles ***************** "So you believe more ghosts or evil spirits may show up?" Grandpa asked Kunou. "Yes. I'd rather take no chances." "I'll be happy to help if you can wait until this afternoon when my granddaughter gets home from school." "This is the afternoon," he said. "I just got home from school myself." "She should be home soon, then." Usagi came out to the porch with a plate of cookies, several glasses, and a mug of tea. "Anyone hungry?" She started at the sight of Kunou. "Yes, thank you," Kunou said, taking a cookie and a glass of tea. "I shall await her arrival then." Rei came into the yard through the torii. "I'm home!" She doubletaked at the sight of Kunou. "Hey, you're...." "This is Mr. Kunou Tatewaki," Grandpa said. "Get the gear, Rei, we're going ghostbusting." He's the guy Haruka and Ukyou got in a fight with, she thought. He must be up to something. ***************** Ranma dropped low, and hooked his leg around, knocking Usagi off her feet. When he moved in for a stomp, however, she simply flipped backwards to escape, then brought her staff around and whacked the side of his head. He caught it as she pulled it away, and rolled backwards, tossing her over his head, onto the roof of the temple, sans staff, which he tossed under the porch. He grinned, then leaped to the roof. "Give up?" "You're giving up?" she asked, grinning back at him. "No way," he said. "Me neither," she replied, simply diving at his feet. They rolled down the slope in a tangle, and right off the roof onto the ground. Usagi managed to roll Ranma around to take the blow. It stunned him for a second, but by the time she herself recovered, he had hooked her feet with his and tossed her. He then jumped to his feet. They charged, and he got in three solid blows at her stomach, knocking her to one side. This was just what she wanted, however, as the blows knocked her towards the porch. She quickly grabbed her staff, and batted him aside when he launched his next charge. This, however, was what he wanted, as he now dove and rolled past her, grabbing one of her long pony-tails and yanking her off her feet with her own hair, which seriously hurt. He then got on top of her, and quickly tied her hands together with her own pony-tails. They continued to struggle until he managed to pin her legs with his knees. He practically lay on top of her. "Give up now?" "I'd have to say you won this one, since I don't want to pull my own hair out to get free," she said, then leaned up to kiss his cheek, only to wimp out at the last second for fear he would panic and run, leaving her with her hands tied together with her own hair. "Boy, what are you DOING to this girl?" a loud voice bellowed. "And why didn't you come looking for me?" Genma had returned, wearing a cowboy hat, denim jeans, a blue shirt with rhinestone buttons, and a belt with a Texas-shaped buckle. Ranma leaped to his feet, then suddenly realized what this looked like. I'm toast, he thought. "Is this your father, Ranma?" "Uhuh." "I raised him all by myself for ten years, and he lets me be sold to a ZOO!!!!" Genma frowned. "And Hino-sama was part of it as well. I intend to have a word with him." "Can you untie me before we have a fight?" Usagi asked. Ranma quickly untied her. "We were just sparring, Pop." "Isn't this the nut who kept trying to kill us all the way from the Amazon village?" Genma asked suspiciously. "We worked it all out," Ranma said. "Did you know Mom divorced you, Pop?" "WHAT?" "There you are!" a voice shouted from around the corner. "You stole our yatai and disgraced us! I'm gonna kill you!" Ukyou charged around the corner, straight at Genma. The first blow folded her spatula in half. The backhand knocked her over the toolshed, out of sight. Shampoo, holding two bonbori, came around the corner of the temple Ukyou had emerged from. "Hello, Mr. Saotome." She looked off in the direction Ukyou had gone. "Sparring is over, yes?" "These maniacs were trying to kill us!" Usagi stood and embraced Ranma. "We kissed and made up. We're going to get married." Genma stared and spluttered. "DIE!" Five mini-spatulas came flying at Genma, who simply whipped off his hat and caught them. "Boy, have you invited a bunch of homocidal maniacs to live with you?" He shook out his hat and put it back on. "Ukyou's mad cause you stole her family's yatai. And I wanna know why we left home. For real this time." Ranma folded his arms, and tried to look angry, which was hard with Usagi draped over him. "I said...DIE!!!!" Ten mini-spatulas zoomed at Genma, took up hat residence, then fell to the ground. "How many of those does she carry?" he asked Ranma. "About twenty, I think." The last five missed him as he strode forward, peeled Usagi off Ranma, and tossed him over one shoulder. "You're coming with me." "Hey, you have to fight me!" Ukyou shouted. "No, I don't," Genma said as he strode into the house. Usagi stopped Ukyou from running in after Genma. "They need to have their own fight." "I wanna kill him!" "He'll be weaker after he fights with Ranma," Shampoo said. "Best to let him soften the old man up." "Hmm, good idea," Ukyou said. ************ This would be simpler if Tourmaline would simply tell me who all the Sailors are, Jadeite thought. But then I wouldn't need her for this, which we both know. He did admire the elegance of the plan by which she had learned their identities, however. And he had to admit to himself that he admired her. I never thought I would find a woman more magnificent than Eowyn, he thought, but she's gone, and I need to move on. She's right, I've been pining away for a memory that can never return. And I need an ally. Nephrite is too much the loner, and Zoicite and Kunzite are both fools. He dangled his legs over the edge of the press box at the stadium, atop which he was seated. I feel like a child back at Azil's Canyon, he thought. Trying to get up the courage to ask Star Sapphire to go to the dance with me. Which I never made it to, since they took me away for training the day before the dance. He frowned; thinking about his days as a Guardian always made him uncomfortable. He had been such a simpering fool before Beryl came, before he had seen his true destiny. And yet, part of him still wished they could have convinced Endymion to join them in freeing Metallia. Beryl wanted so much to marry him, he thought. It was horrible to see her cry when he rejected her. He must be out there somewhere, Jadeite thought. Probably riding a stallion and fighting off the ladies. He could even be that blond fellow Tourmaline and I hired, the racer. He must have some tie to the Sailors, since Tourmaline believes we can use him as bait to draw them in. He looked down on his youma who were training in race car driving. I wonder how many are going to maim themselves, he thought, as one of them careened about wildly. I wish there was a safer way, but... "May I have a moment of your time?" Moonstone asked. He nearly toppled over the edge, but she caught him. "Don't do that!" he said. "I should have let you go?" she asked, laughing. "That's not what I meant." He got up. "What do you want?" "I need to have three people checked to see if they might be more of us who haven't awakened yet. And I need it to not be traceable back to me." "And what do I get in return?" She held out a ceramic jug. "A jug of Dragon's Blood." His eyes widened. "You found a Dragon and killed it?" "I've been saving this for a rainy day. This mission will require the utmost discretion. Having already demonstrated to myself that covert missions are not my strong point, I decided to go to someone better at that than me." "Why aren't you getting Tourmaline to do this?" he asked. "I want someone who can't be biased by blood ties. We both want them to test true too much to trust ourselves to do it. It's my brother, my sister-in-law, and my niece, you see." "Ahh. That makes sense. The Yurris effect." Her eyes lit up. "You read my paper." "Finding people with 'talents' is one of my specialties," he said. "Of course I read it. We all did, since Beryl emphasized how important it is to recover as many of her former subjects as possible. But I suspect I'm the only one who fully understood it. You're right; most likely, neither of you would be able to achieve the proper impartiality to avoid accidentally imbuing them with enough power to pass the test. And the only tests not subject to the Yurris effect only pick up the most powerful individuals. I will be happy to be of assistance." He bowed to Moonstone. "I recognize the debt we all owe you. Without your researches, we would all still be trapped in the Dark Kingdom, slowly withering away." Moonstone looked down. "You're training youmas to race cars? Is this another energy gathering plan?" "Part of a trap for the Sailors." "Trapping them is a waste of time. We've already seen where it got my daughter and husband." She frowned. "How do you plan to draw them in?" "By putting one of their friends in danger. They will be there to see him race, and..." "Will they? How do you plan to guarantee that?" "Tourmaline's spies said they all came the last time." "Past performance is no guarantee of future results," Moonstone said. "You have to make sure of it." "Like what?" She smiled a grin similar to ones he'd seen on her daughter. "You really want to know?" "No, I want you to shove me off this roof. Yes, I want to know!" "Okay, now here is how I would do it..." Jadeite began to smile as she went on. Yes, this would work nicely. ************ "I just did what the oracle of O-Kuni-Nushi told me to do," Genma said. "I'd been having dreams of disasters striking if I didn't take you away, but I wasn't sure if that was just because I can't stand Nodoka's brother. The man is a total..." Genma shuddered. "He collects shojo manga. Ugh. Anyway, the oracle told me to go get you and sneak out in the middle of the night and to not come back until you were sixteen. So I did." "What, some stupid priest told you to steal me, so you did?" Ranma couldn't believe it. Well, his father had once gone naked for a week because a priest had told him, but... "When I lived here, Hino-sama showed me all my troubles had come because I never listened to what the Kamis wanted, so now I try to do that," Genma said. "And the oracle of O-Kuni-Nushi is never wrong, unless you ask it about sports. And that's probably only so people won't use him to cheat in betting pools." "..." "So who told you that she divorced me?" Genma sounded pained when he said that. "Ami's mom. She knew Mom from college, I think. Ami's father was the brother of Mom's college roommate." "Reiko?" "Yeah, something like that." "I'd best go talk to her, then. But first, why are all these psychotic women hanging around you?" Ranma frowned. "They're not psychotic. And Grandpa's the one who lets them stay here." "Already calling him Grandpa. Good. Since you are marrying his grand-daughter." His tone brooked no refusal. "I ain't letting nobody MAKE me marry nobody." Ranma crossed his arms. "But yeah, I know about that." "You will marry her. But I must go talk to Mizuno-san. Where does she live now?" Ranma gave him the address. "Grandpa will be back later. He and Rei are off ghostbusting. They can kick your ass too, then." "I will be the one kicking ass," he said. He frowned, then softened. "Do they know about your curse?" "Yeah. They don't care. Didn't I tell you that?" "Good. Hino-sama has always been a good man. Are you doing well in school?" "I ain't flunked nothing yet." Genma laughed. "Good. We can talk more later." And he departed. **************** "The roof is clean," Grandpa pronounced. "In fact, I can't find anything around here which would attract evil spirits except those black rose bushes. I suggest you burn them." "My sister would burn down the entire estate in retaliation," Kunou replied. "Anything I could plant to...uh...help ward them off?" a bandaged Mamoru asked, looking up from his pruning. Rei looked over at him, and blushed slightly. He's so handsome, she thought. I wonder if he's single. I wonder if I can keep my mind on what I'm doing. "I doubt the rose bushes are to blame." "Your house is currently free of evil spirits and hungry ghosts," Grandpa said. "Nothing more I can do. Other than perhaps recommend you buy some spirit strips from our temple and hang them up. And burn the rose bushes." "No one is burning my rose bushes," Kodachi said, emerging into the garden. "But Chiba-san needs to go water them." He twitched. "They don't like me." "They have good taste," Kodachi said. "Your job is to tend the garden. Get to it." He frowned, then headed to go get a watering can. "Sister, do not be rude to him. He was injured while trying to find you after one of your little tantrums." "Brother, my rose bushes didn't summon that ghost, and you know it. It was the music. They must have felt its power." "Music?" Grandpa asked. "What, you think Michiru's mother summoned a ghost to kill you?" She shook her head. "No, but couldn't you feel the power in it? The ghost must have been attracted by the beauty of the tune and the skill with which it was played." "What, an opera ghost?" Rei asked. "Hmm, it is possible the harmonics of the music were in sufficient sympathy with the celestial musics to form an irresistable beacon to spectral entities," Grandpa mused. "What?" Kunou asked. "Some ghosts like music," Rei translated. "Where are the instruments used?" "Come with me," Kunou said. **************** A beautiful young lady answered the door when Genma knocked. "Hello," she said. "Looking for Mother?" "Yes," he said. "You must be Ami." She blinked, then smiled. "Yes, I am. Come in, I'll get her." She sat Genma down in the living room, and soon returned with Reiko. "Saotome-san," she said, sounding quite surprised. "It has been a long time." She gave him a look that wobbled between a smile and a frown. "It is good to see you, Mizuno-san," he said. "How are you doing?" "I'm back to being Toranaga Reiko now. Soichiro and I were divorced eight years ago. Everything fell apart after his sister and her husband and family vanished." She sighed. "Why did you abandon your wife?" He stared at the floor. "The oracle of O-Kuni-Nushi said to." She sighed. "You and your stupid superstitions. Hino-san was a good influence on you in some ways, but I think he rotted your brain in others. You can't do things just because some old priest tells you to, Saotome-san. Then again, Nodoka was as superstitous as you." She paused. "Do you really turn into a panda?" "Yes. I take it Ranma told you?" "He and my daughter are friends; they go to the same school. Yes, he told me, and I told him about how your wife divorced you." Genma stared at the floor, frowning. "Tell me about that." ************* "Where is he? I'll kill him!" Ukyou shouted. "You won't be killing anyone," Ranma said. "Pop would whup your ass if you seriously tried, anyway." He sat down on the porch. "What a mess." "So did he explain why he took you away?" Usagi asked, sitting down next to him. "Some crazy priest told him," Ranma said. "I shoulda guessed. Pop's always had a lot of respect for priests, which I guess is why he wants me to marry Rei. But I ain't gonna let him or nobody else push me into some marriage." Ukyou and Usagi both wilted slightly at that. "And he's pissed 'cause I didn't come get him. Which I can't blame him too much. I guess he'll unload on Grandpa too." "He's not your grandfather yet," Usagi said. "You call him that too," Ranma said. "And he ain't never gonna be your grandfather unless you or Rei goes to Jyusenkyo and finds the right pool." Usagi blushed, and Ukyou laughed loudly. "There's an idea. Usagi and Rei would make a cute couple." "It would have to be Rei; Amazons have to be female," Ranma said, rambling on. "And that way she could carry on the Hino family name without having to find some guy desperate enough to take it for his own. And Usagi's family has Shingo to carry on their name." Shingo came running up and jumped into Ukyou's lap. "Pet me." She petted him and laughed. "Ready to carry on your family name, Shingo?" "Better than Usagi." "I can have you spayed, you know." They glared at each other, and then the insults really started. ************* "Hmm, a Stradivarius," Grandpa said. "Perhaps he bound his soul into it, and it now calls out to other ghosts when played." "I'm not getting any evil emanations from it," Rei countered. "Perhaps the ghost wanted to break it, so it would become a ghost-violin he could play," Grandpa speculated. "It didn't come TO the violin, though," Rei said. "I think it was simply drawn to Kodachi because she was in a vulnerable state of mind. Perhaps she has some psychic talent." Psychotic talent, anyway, Kunou thought, but did not say. "Mother often seemed to have an uncanny ability to know things she couldn't have seen." "Most mothers do," Grandpa said. "It seems the most likely theory." "So what can we do?" Kunou asked. "Put up spirit wards. And perhaps you could try coming by the temple some time so we could do a fire reading, Kodachi," he said. "I'll come tomorrow afternoon," she replied. "I don't want to meet more ghosts." ************* Tourmaline stood in the middle of the empty memorial and concentrated. If my calculations are right, one of them should have been summoned here, she thought. Come to me, she thought. The Hiroshima nuclear attack memorial spread out around her, but she could not see it through closed eyes. She could feel its presence, however, a somber reminder of humanity's capacity for destruction. A capacity which had drawn what she was looking for to this point, she was sure. When the air filled with static electricity and her arm hairs stood on end, she knew she had found what she sought. White hot light beat against her eyelids, with a clap of thunder riding the light's heels. She opened her eyes as the light faded to a yellow glow. A three foot long jagged piece of metal, carven as a stylized lightning bolt floated before her. She reached out and took it. Then the building's alarms all went off. Oh great, she thought. I probably just fried everything electronic anywhere nearby. Well, I hate to leave a mess, but... She vanished in a spray of illusionary yen bills because she felt like showing off for once. Her prize was worth it. ************* Soichiro Mizuno sat in front of the canvas. It was taunting him. He knew exactly what he wanted to paint, but his brain couldn't quite decide where to start. The doorbell saved him from deciding. "Oh, hi, Kasumi," he said. "Come in." He took her to the living room, where she sat down on the couch. "I came over because Ami told me..." Kasumi tried to decide the best way to see it. "She saw someone at Rei's temple who looked like my father. And she thought it might be him, and...I don't suppose you've seen anyone who might be..." She stared at the floor. "It sounds stupid when I say it." "She saw someone who looks like Soun?" Kasumi nodded. "Kasumi, if you see someone who looks like your parents, I want you to run for your life, because it won't be them." Kasumi stared in shock. "They're gone, Kasumi, and I don't know if they'll ever be back. Whatever took them wasn't human, and certainly won't let them go. It might look like them, but it won't be. I don't think my sister is dead. I'd know. But...the dreams haunt me. I've seen terrible things since she's been gone. And..." He stared at the floor. "I don't know how to fight magic, Kasumi, and I don't think you do, either. If it was really your father, he'd know where to find you, or at least where to start looking. I can't believe he wouldn't look, so..." Sighing, he forced himself to look up. "So you should stay away from him." "I have to know!" Kasumi blurted out. "I haven't even been able to find that evil troll!" "I know. But getting yourself killed won't help. I've already lost too many relatives, Kasumi. I don't want to lose you too." She stood up. "I'm sorry to waste your time." She stormed out, leaving him wishing he'd known how to say it better. ************* "But we have some reason to think that just maybe, they might still be alive," Reiko said to Genma. "Assuming Ami recognized them correctly." "Demons took them." "Demons." "Or something similar. That's what the oracle told me." "And of course you can trust an old man who sits over a crack, getting high on fumes all day." "The oracle of O-Kuni-Nushi is reknowned across Japan for being right!" "Reknowned among superstitous fools! Only an idiot does what some oracle tells him to do with no other reason!" They glared at each other, then he softened. "Do you have a better explanation?" She softened as well. "No. Perhaps it was some sort of beings from another universe. That's what Soichiro kept dreaming about after it happened. It does fit what little evidence we have." She frowned. "But why? Why would they kidnap just this one family? Or now send them back?" "Happosai escaped," Genma said. "Perhaps we should have used more explosives when we buried him. It was Tendo and I who did it. We're the ones he would seek out. The one problem with that is that I haven't seen hide nor hair of him in the last ten years; surely he would have found me by now. Unless..." He paled. "Unless he did something to my wife and satisfied himself with that." "She's not your wife anymore, Saotome-san," Reiko said. "She hates you pretty fiercely. Maybe he tried something and failed and she blames you for it. Or, IF some sort of aliens or demons, or whatever were called down by him, maybe they took him too." "Some days, I think he was an alien. I could believe almost anything of that freak. But if they were carried off by...something, then do you think maybe whatever it is could be impersonating them?" I can't believe I'm having this conversation, she thought. "Probably. I don't think we'll ever see them again. If you see them, call Hino-san. They're probably demons in disguise. You had best warn Kasumi." "I will. And...Kasumi does not like you very much." "Survivor guilt?" "Nodoka trained her, and since Nodoka now hates you..." Genma winced. "When Nodoka is angry, she is truly terrifying." "Yes. Luckily, I can recommend you a good hospital for after the reunion," Reiko said dryly. Genma laughed. "If Nodoka is truly angry, I may need a funeral director, not a doctor, but we shall see. I'm sure I can calm her down once she sees the truth." "You can't talk your way out of everything, Saotome-san." "You know Nodoka. She'll be flamingly angry about something, but she always calms down once she's worked it out of her system. After ten years, she'll be ready to listen to reason. Even if...she still doesn't want to be my wife, I'm sure she'll accept why I did it. She was the one who always told me I needed to be more obedient to the will of the kamis." "Then why didn't the kamis tell her to wait for you? I know she went to that oracle too, after you vanished." "I don't know." "Then you need to find out." "I will." ************* Ukyou, Shampoo, and Usagi were playing Potato Fighter on the Saturn while Rei and Ranma did homework when Genma returned. They were still hard at work on their respective activities when Genma and Grandpa finished shouting at each other and came out to the living room. "Ranma, we've come to a decision," Genma said. "I ain't marrying nobody," he replied without looking up. "I already know you're gonna say I gotta marry Rei, but I ain't gonna marry nobody. Not yet. And I'm too worn out from teaching to do any training tonight." "..." "Shampoo tired of electronic potatoes. Going to go look for the handsome fellow," Shampoo said, getting up and departing. "My turn, then," Ukyou said, taking the controller. "Hey, Rei, you any good at analyzing poems?" "EXCUSE ME, BUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS HERE!" Genma shouted. "Not really. You're on your own." "Damn." Genma picked up Ranma. "Listen to me!" Ranma's hair blew in the wind. "Okay, okay, I'm listening." "You have summer break in a month, right?" "Right." "Good. We'll go see your mother then. That will give me time to go consult the oracle and see what it told her, and make a few other inquiries. In the meantime, you are to treat Rei as your fiancee and stop encouraging all these other women." Ukyou turned around. "Oh, Ranma's worthless father is here. I gotta go kick his ass, Usagi." "Can we finish this first?" "Well, I guess he's too heavy to run away very fast." Genma twitched, and Ranma said, "What part of 'I ain't gonna marry nobody' don't you understand?" "I am your father. You will obey me." "I ain't gonna marry nobody while I'm still in school and still cursed. Period. You wanna marry me off after that? Fine. But I ain't gonna marry nobody right now." "Fine. As soon as you graduate high school, and your curse is cured, you'll marry Rei. The matter is settled. We'd need to settle things with your mother, anyway. In the meantime, we'll be living here." "Whatever. Just don't go getting no crazy ideas. I'm gonna go take a walk." He pried himself loose and stormed off. Genma turned to Grandpa. "This would be easier if you'd throw all the rivals out." "Now, now, Genma, they're good girls. And with Rei in school half the day, they've been a tremendous help. And since Ranma agreed to your deal, it doesn't matter if they stay." "Hey, what about me? Don't I have any say in who I marry?" Rei shouted. "No," Genma said. "As your guardian, it is my duty to find you a good husband," Grandpa said. "I'll find my own good husband!" "And I have a duty to keep my promise to Genma that our families would be united one day." "And a duty for me as well," Genma said. "That's so...old-fashioned!" Rei snarled. "Traditional ways are best," Grandpa replied. "Maybe I'll go become a nun, then," Rei said, getting up and stomping off. Usagi turned to Ukyou. They nodded at each other, and Usagi departed after Rei, while Ukyou went off the way Ranma had gone. Genma turned to Grandpa. "Well, that went better than anticipated." "Nothing broken. I owe you a thousand yen." ************* Ukyou found Ranma up on the roof. "You're not really going to..." she began. "Ain't gonna let my old man or my past selves or little green men from outer space tell me who to marry," he said. "At least I got him to back off for a while, though." "It's gonna be hard to do that as long as you live here," she said. "Do you think I should stay, or would that just make it worse?" "I dunno. Pop's gonna probably flip some more whenever he meets Setsuna." "Do you...like Setsuna?" "Can't tell. Ruby has too much to say on the subject. Bastard." Ukyou laughed. "That just sounds weird. You cursing your past self out." "I can't tell if I like her or he does. At least with you and Usagi, he wasn't in love with you, so I don't have to wonder if I'm feeling something 'cause he felt it. Of course, he didn't even know Usagi." "So what did Ruby think about Diamond?" Ukyou asked. "His best friend in the whole world. I don't know much else. I wonder why you ended up a girl this time, though. I mean...I don't remember him ever saying he didn't like being a guy. Although maybe it's just random." "Maybe you'll end up as a woman in your next life," Ukyou said. "Or maybe it had to do with Beryl killing him somehow." "The funky thing is that you've got the powers," Ranma said, "which only guys are supposed to have. I mean, you're like, all woman, but...then again, I can use my powers in girl mode, so maybe it's...I dunno." "Not something I worry about. I wouldn't want to wear one of those sailor suits, anyway." Ranma laughed. "True." "So what are you going to do when you get out of high school? Just leave so he can't make you marry Rei?" "Dunno. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I just wish..." He fell silent. "What?" "Nothing." I just wish I had some way to find the girl I like without them all pressuring me, he thought. So I could date 'em without having to marry them. Ain't no good way to do that, though. That and get that damned Ruby out of my head. "I better go finish my homework." "Okay. Want some help with the poems?" "You any good at them?" "No, but it beats another hour of Potato Fighter." "True." ************* "I want to KILL him," Rei shouted into her pillow. "Killing Grandpa won't help," Usagi said. "Once you get out of high school, you can just move out and he won't be able to stop you." "That would take money, which I won't have until I finish college. And I wanted to take over the temple one day. Which I can't do if Grandpa cuts me off." "Well, if Ranma doesn't get cured by then, it won't matter. So, you might have even longer." Rei looked up. "I don't understand how you can be so calm." "Ultimately, what they say doesn't matter. It's who Ranma chooses that matters. But I thought you liked Ranma." Rei twitched. "I...I don't want to be told who to marry." "Neither does he. Of course, you could just both marry me. That would make it simple." Rei's eyes bugged out. "What?" Usagi giggled. "I wish I had a camera. You looked sooo funny just now." "Hrmph. Maybe I'll go date someone just to spite Grandpa." "I think Ranma's friend Ken likes you." "Would he drive Grandpa up the wall?" "Definitely." "Perfect. We can set up a double date or something. And rub it in their faces." "We could go have a picnic." "Right. Maybe this weekend." Rei began hatching plans. ************* "I don't wanna sleep with Pop. He snores," Ranma said. "I'll just camp out with Usagi and Shampoo. He can have the guest room to himself." Grandpa thought a moment. "You can go in Rei's room." Rei turned red. "What?" "It'll be good practice for when you're married," Genma said. "Perfect." "..." "Hey, what about me?" Ukyou said. "He's MY fiancee." "You can sleep on the couch," Grandpa said. "Since you don't have your own tent." "We'd be happy to have you with us, Ukyou," Usagi said. "Aren't you gonna fight this?" Ukyou asked. Usagi just smiled at her, making her wonder if Usagi knew something she didn't. ************** Ranma plopped down on his futon. "Tell me you don't snore." "I don't snore." Rei looked down at him from her bed. "That thing doesn't look very comfortable." "I'm used to it. Beats the dirt outside and just a sleeping bag. If not by much. But if you wanna give me the bed..." "No." There was silence for a little while, then Rei said. "Are we really gonna..." "I dunno. We've got nearly two years to figure out something. I just wish..." "Me too. It'd be nice to not have any pressure to get married." Ranma rolled over. "Good night, Rei." "Good night, Ranma." ************* "Are you okay?" Feldspar asked Yumi, who was another one of Tourmaline's mortal employees at the 'whore emporium', as one customer had called it before being thrown out a third story window by Feldspar after the man had tried to knife one of the girls in a drunken rage. Margaret bandaged Yumi's hand. "I keep telling you that Shishio guy is a total freak. You're gonna end up looking half like a mummy like he does if you don't start telling the guy that having sex surrounded by candles is dangerous." "But he likes it so much, and he usually tips me well, and..." She stared at her bed, which still had charred sheets on it. "He's just so..." "He's bad news," Feldspar said sharply. "I can't stop him as long as he pays and you don't complain, but he's going to be the death of you. Not to mention he's creepy as hell. I wouldn't sleep with him if he paid me a billion yen and made me Queen of...Japan to boot." Yumi looked over at her hesitantly. "Well, I know you wouldn't sleep with him under any condition anyway, but, I just...he's so dreamy. And he told me once I'd rule Japan with him when he took over and..." She looked embarrassed. "I wasn't supposed to mention that." Feldspar tried to speak, but Margaret was faster than she was. "Rule Japan?" Margaret frowned. "Oh great, this guy is more delusional than that Mason guy who kept coming in here last year." Feldspar finally cut in. "What's that supposed to mean?" "Well, I mean, you are a lesbian, right, Ms. T?" Feldspar turned bright red. "WHAT?" "I mean, you act like a guy, and you don't have a boyfriend, and even though half the guys who come in here want you as their woman, you won't work the men, and I just sort of..." Yumi trailed off. "You're not going to throw me through the window, are you?" Feldspar took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm only sixteen. Even if I wanted to, I could get arrested." She paused. "Okay, we all could, but you know what I mean. I've never...I mean..." She stared at the floor. "I've never had a date, let alone a boyfriend, let alone...you know." "Really? You look at least eighteen or more, and...well, you've seen how the customers throw themselves at you." "Sixteen?" Margaret thought for a moment. "I have a cousin. He's a very nice boy, kind of shy. He's a bit on the intellectual side, but I'm sure he'd like you." "I don't need a matchmaker," Feldspar said. "C'mon, Ms. T. It'll be fun. There's this nice restaurant over on Hideyoshi street; Makoto-san took me there once. It's a bar and grill." "Of course," Feldspar muttered, then softened. "Alright, alright, I'll give it a try. So how long have you two been planning this?" "Just spontaneous," Margaret said. "Now, Yumi, if this happens again, I'll have to tell the boss." Yumi stared at the floor. "He's a good man." "You always say that, Yumi." Margaret got up. "I'll come talk to you once we get Ms. T hooked up." "Okay." Margaret and Feldspar departed. As they stepped out into the hallway, the words, "Oh, baby, YES!" erupted faintly through the ceiling. "Ride 'em, cowboy," Margaret muttered, then giggled. Ms. T blushed. "Iya." "Oh, come on, people shout that all the time around here. But I guess you really must be a virgin. I've never seen anyone here go so embarrassed by the simplest little thing." They started down the hallway. "I never had much time for boyfriends growing up." "You're really only sixteen?" Feldspar nodded. "Yeah." She tried to ignore the moaning coming through the door she had just passed. "We have got to do something about this Shishio freak." "Yumi's fallen for one of her customers again," Margaret said. "I think she must be trying to get herself killed or something." "I'll ask my sister to have someone spy on him. If the nutcase really is planning to try to conquer Japan somehow...I don't want Yumi getting caught in the middle of it. We probably need to send about a third of the customers to mental institutions." "The rest are pretty nice, though. Except for the cheap ones. But we can probably do more good for the crazy ones here than in some mental institution. At least we know our job. I remember Youta, who came here after his wife died. I did him more good than any therapist could have." There was a strong fondness in her voice. "And who was talking about being in love with the customers?" Feldspar teased gently. Margaret blushed. "I wasn't...I mean...He was a good man. But too shy and lonely to reach out to anyone after he lost his wife and...well, I could ramble on about people all day." They reached the front desk, and she got the phone. "Hmm...I wonder if he's in bed yet." "You ought to go back to school and become a therapist or something, then," Feldspar said. "You sound like my mother," she said. "I don't have the money for college right now, although once I finish the massage therapy training, I might. And I enjoy what I do." Feldspar's eyes widened. "You can think whatever you want; I know you don't approve of any of this. But I like you anyway; I've been around too many people who never let you know what they really think not to appreciate your honesty. And..." She put down the phone. "I know you look at all of us and see what we could be, and it's always something better. Most of us were always told we'd never make anything of ourselves, but you're always surprised we haven't. Sometimes..." "Sometimes what?" "Sometimes I wonder if that's why your sister sent you here. I know she's taken some of us away for...something, although I can't tell what guided her decision." "I can't talk about it," Feldspar said uncomfortably. "But maybe soon. I hope." *********** "Your dad's back? That's great," Setsuna said to Ranma. "Great? He's determined to force Ranma to marry Rei," Ukyou said. They were in Setsuna's backyard, getting ready for another training session. "Well, I got him to wait until I get out of high school and get my curse cured, but..." Ranma sighed. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. So what are we gonna do this afternoon?" "Well, I was thinking that..." Setsuna paused, cocking her head slightly. "Nevermind, we're about to be interrupted." "By what?" "Rei calling us for help." Three communicators rang in unison, and help was soon on the way. ************ Rei had gone shopping with Usagi and Shampoo for food; the temple was now going through a huge amount of food and other supplies every week. So, they had headed down to Baka-Mart, a huge grocery store a few blocks away from the temple in what passed for Juuban's business district. "Attention, Baka Shoppers, green light special on press-on nails in aisle 654," droned the speakers as they raided the fresh fruit secton. The resulting mob streaming past them nearly overturned their cart, and trampled Usagi, who wasn't used to being around so many people. "Attention, Baka Shoppers, green light special on pocky in aisle 52." "Attention, Baka Shoppers, green light special on guppies in aisle 456." "Attention, Baka Shoppers, green light special on frozen bean curd in aisle 90." "Attention, Baka Shoppers, green light special on yurts in aisle 123." About every two minutes, another green light special triggered another mob. They finally put Usagi in the shopping cart for her own good, and Shampoo took up a defensive position, batting shoppers aside. Around the tenth green light special, Rei began getting a funny feeling from the shoppers; they all looked just a little deranged, and many of them were starting to look a bit green. Not to mention, some of the staff seemed to be joining the shopping frenzies as well. Her preternatural senses were giving her a bad feeling. Then the monotonous voice said, "Attention, Baka Shoppers, green light special on young girls in aisle 29." Rei and company were alone in aisle 29, which was actually canned goods. Usagi said, "I think we're in trouble." "Run! I'll call for backup," Rei said. "The store's probably been taken over by Youma." "Brilliant deduction, Sherlock," Usagi said. "Get in the cart, Rei," Shampoo said. Rei scrambled into it, then Shampoo began pushing it at high speed. "Be ready to jump if we hit something we can't just push through," Shampoo said, and they charged the oncoming mob. ********** Sailor Mercury sprinted in the front door of Baka-Mart, and did a quick scan to acess the situation. Her friends were in Aisle 333, with three distinct mobs streaming after them. There was a youma in the announcer booth, a second one in the manager's office, and a third stocking shelves in aisle 12. The announcer seemed to be directing the mobs. If I can take him out, she thought, then Rei and the others will have a better chance. She quickly slipped over to the office, then peeked in through the window. A purple youma in a Baka-Mart uniform was busily watching the store floor and directing the mobs of shoppers. A large bank of communications equipment was next to him. Now, how do I take this guy out, Mercury thought. My only attack just...ahah! She kicked the door open. "SHABON SPRAY!" A pose later, thick mist settled over everything, including the delicate electronics of the intercom system, which began to short out. The youma got up and fumbled around in the fog. She left him to fumble, not being confident enough in her hand to hand abilities to want to take him on without help. Slipping off, she did another scan. Pluto and the Guardians were coming, so she headed to the front door to meet them and explain what was going on. Pluto said to Mercury, "Possessed shoppers?" "Yes. I knocked out the intercom system so they can't give the shoppers any orders. There's three youma. One's in the intercom office, one's in the main office, and one's over on aisle 12 stocking shelves." "Right. Your spray can probably suppress and calm the mobs. Go help Mars and the Amazons. We'll deal with the youma." She nodded and ran off. Pluto turned to the others. "Saturn, go after the one in aisle 12. I'll deal with the manager. Uranus, take down the one in the intercom office." The trio split up. Guardian Saturn headed over to aisle 12, which was full of flour, baking mixes, cooking oil, and baking pans. "Give up now or get spanked," Saturn announced. The youma, a blue-haired, orange skinned teenager in a tacky blue and silver Baka-Mart uniform, said, "You ain't my momma." "Huh?" Saturn scratched his head, then got hit in the face by a hurled bag of flour. He coughed and rubbed his eyes, then got pelted by a stream of boxes of baking mix. As he stumbled around in the resulting dust fog, the youma pulled an entire row of shelves down on him, temporarily burying him. Meanwhile, Guardian Uranus headed for the intercom room. She found the youma trying to fix the intercom, and mostly just electrocuting itself. BZZZZT. "Ow." BZZZZT. "Ow." BZZZZT. "Ow." "Here, let me help you pass out." A spatula to the head took down the poor fool. Uranus turned to leave, but to her utter embarrassment, couldn't find the door out in the dense fog filling the office. "What the...this is ridiculous." She finally found it, only to rush into the storage closet. "This sucks." Pluto approached the manager, who was eating danishes and doing paperwork in his office. "Surrender now or be destroyed!" "No." He started to get up. "Dead..." He tossed a danish into her mouth, cutting her off, then followed it up by hurling a cloud of red tape at her, quickly ensnaring her. He then hung her from the ceiling and trundled out to check on the other fights. Saturn crawled out from under the shelves, rubbed the flour from his eyes, and charged after the youma. It led him a merry chase, and after four aisles, Saturn was covered with a huge amount of disgusting gunk. I've got to catch this guy....geez, I'm not thinking, he thought. As they continued their chase, Saturn began putting his speed practice to work grabbing anything he could find and hurling it at high speed at the youma. Pelted by canned goods, boxes, bags of noodles, cookie tins, and asparagus, the youma faltered, and finally fell down. With a shimmer, he turned back into an ordinary employee, and Guardian Saturn stared in surprise. Good thing I didn't try anything lethal, he thought, shuddering. I coulda killed the guy. I'd better see how Ucchan is doing. Uranus staggered out of the office about the same time as Saturn arrived. "Geez, that fog is really disorienting." "You got lost in the intercom room?" "You would too!" The manager youma walked up, shaking his head. "Tsk, tsk. Vandalism is illegal, you know." "Possessing people is also illegal!" Guardian Saturn said, pointing at the manager. "Not...hey, I thought Pluto was going to deal with you." "She failed." The manager raised his hands and unleashed two streams of red tape at them. Saturn managed to leap out of the way, while Uranus, still feeling a bit disoriented, wasn't quite fast enough. "I'm afraid you won't be seeing any more of her." Guardian Saturn snarled. "What did you do to her?" "Hung her up like a slab of meat." "YOU BASTARD!" He charged at the manager, unable to think clearly. The result was that he ended up snarled in a mass of red tape. His inertia, however, carried him right over the manager, knocking the man down. Saturn ended up stuck to the wall while the manager lay on the floor, dazed. Slowly, Saturn began to pull himself free, his rage giving him enough strength to overcome the tape. But it was a slow process, and just as he was about to break free, the manager got up and hosed him down with more. "Well, that settles...." A watermelon bounced off his head, knocking him down. "Posessing shoppers and turning an innocent supermarket into a place where the daily special is evil isn't very nice!" Sailor Mercury announced. "Give up now, or be marked down to nothing!" Mercury, Mars, Usagi, and Shampoo had arrived. "Kill this one?" Shampoo asked Mercury. "He's the master youma, not a transformed employee. Go for it." The manager simply raised his hands. "I know when I'm outmatched. I give up." Mercury blinked. "Really?" "Really." "What are we gonna do with him?" Mercury asked Mars. "We could put him with...hey, is Rhodolite still lying around Pluto's castle?" Mercury slapped her forehead. "I meant to get Pluto to take me to see what else we could learn from him." Saturn ripped out of the red tape. "That bastard said..." He kicked the manager in the butt. "Where's Pluto?" "Hanging around my office. I just taped her up." Saturn ripped Uranus loose, then went and got Pluto as well. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" "Murfle," Pluto said, her mouth still stuffed full of danish. He pried it loose. "You okay?" "I'm fine, R...Ranma. Just feeling a bit stupid. Beaten by a danish. Ugh. It tasted nasty, too." They soon rejoined the others, just as the manager said, "I don't know what Jadeite is gonna do next! He doesn't tell me all his secrets you know!" Mars towered over him angrily. "You have to know SOMETHING!" "Well, I heard him talking about that racer he's sponsoring, but I don't know what he plans to do." "Racing...Haruka?" Uranus asked. "Something like that." Uranus grimaced. "What's he planning to do?" "I'm afraid I didn't get the memo. Probably turn him into a youma at his next race or something. But really, I don't know." Running feet approached. Prudence came sprinting in. "I'm sorry I'm late. I had tennis practice and...I guess it's over." "That's fine," Pluto said. "You live further away than the rest of us." "How's he gonna turn Haruka into a youma?" Uranus demanded. "I have no idea," the youma said. "Jadeite and Tourmaline hardly tell me all their secrets." "Tourmaline?" Prudence asked. "Who's that?" "Feldspar's sister, or so Feldspar said," Shampoo said. "A youma General." "So why is Tourmaline a general when her parents are only majors and her sister is a captain?" Mercury asked. "She's smarter than they are," the manager said. "Actually, Moonstone would probably be a General, but she got her rank by being a scholar, not by being a military leader. And she and Diamond are both too weak to be Generals. He'd probably beat any of the Generals if they didn't use their powers, but his powers aren't very strong, and Moonstone's only strong powers aren't much good in combat. Tourmaline or Feldspar could probably beat up both their parents singlehandedly." "Then why isn't Feldspar a general?" Mercury asked. "Feldspar lacks subtlety. She's a great fighter, much better than Tourmaline, but she tends to use the blunt approach too much. Tourmaline, on the other hand, is sneaky as hell." "So what did you do with the real manager?" Pluto asked. "He's at home, thinking he's on vacation. So what are you going to do with me?" "Lock you up with...hmm, I haven't checked in on Rhodolite for a while. Mercury, if you'll come with me?" "Let's go." **************** "So how did you know we'd be there?" Pluto asked the manager. "We know the blonde kid is a friend of yours. But actually, we'd just been running this place as an energy gathering thing and you walked into it," the manager said. Rhodolite nodded. "There's a lot of operations around the city. It's gonna take a lot of energy to fully rouse Metallia." "So why do you want to rouse Metallia?" "Once she's free, we'll be able to conquer the world and transform it to our liking," the manager youma said. "We're slowly dying out in the hell Serenity banished us to. This is probably our last chance." Mercury frowned at that. The idea of an entire race just withering away, even if they were energy draining monsters, repulsed her. Why had Serenity sent them to such an inhospitable place that even monsters couldn't survive? "You're fools if you think Metallia will blithely hand over the Ten Worlds to you," Pluto said. "What other choice do we have?" Rhodolite asked. "And she hasn't betrayed us yet." "How many youma are there?" Mercury asked. "About fifty thousand are left. Most of the army died and was reborn on Earth, as far as we can tell; only the toughest survived Serenity's counterstroke and were sent to the Dark Kingdom," Rhodolite estimated. "We've recruited a few hundred people who are reincarnated members of our army here in Tokyo. Maybe more." Mercury shuddered. A few hundred? We can't possibly fight that many. Not all at once. Pluto frowned. "Why haven't they been sent to swarm us, then?" "Like I said, it was mostly the weaker ones who died. No point in getting our own people slaughtered. And they generally need a lot of training. One good beating and they tend to forget everything, too." Rhodolite shrugged. "Once we finish training them all, you're all gonna be doomed, though." "We'll see about that," Pluto said. ************* Soichiro Mizuno was not pleased to be interrupted this time, as he had finally gotten his brain into gear, and was painting at a fairly quick speed. He put down his palette and brush and went to the door. "Hello?" A huge man with short black hair and an ill-fitting plumber's uniform (which was labelled 'Jed's Plumbing') stood in the doorway, holding a toolbox. "Plumber. Having trouble with your toilet, right?" He nodded. "The upstairs one won't flush." "Right. Take me there, and I'll get to work." He put the man to his work, and then went back to painting. An hour later, he heard a lot of flushing, and the man came down. "Good as new. You'll get your bill in the mail." "Good," he said. "Have a nice day." "Probably not, but thanks anyway." And the plumber departed. Soichiro went back to work, only to be interrupted a few minutes later by the doorbell again. He went to the door. "Did you...oh, Ami-chan. Come in." He let her in, and she said, "I see you've been having plumbing trouble too." "Yes, the upstairs toilet went out. Luckily, this new plumbing company has really quick service. I was impressed." "Yes, they came by to fix our sink this morning," Ami said. "Are we still going out to dinner?" He looked embarrassed. "I completely forgot. Let me go get cleaned up." She sat in the living room and did some reading while she waited for him, since she had planned ahead. This usually happened. Sometimes, she wondered if her father had long term memory at all. He quickly came downstairs, having changed out of his paint- splattered clothing. "Okay, I'm ready to go." *************** Ukyou sat on the porch, watching Ranma teaching one of his classes. Genma came out and sat down by her, to her surprise. "Hmm, interesting," he said. "He's a good teacher," Ukyou said. "He's being too soft on them," Genma said as he observed. "And he's not very systematic." "You think you could do better?" Ukyou asked acidicly. "I have done better," Genma said. "Just look at how good Ranma is." "He hasn't had ten years to train these people." "He was better at age 6 than this." Ukyou gave up on arguing. "Whatever. I don't see you training anyone." "Perhaps once I recover from my trip back here," Genma said, sprawling out. "You're just lazy," she said. "I've earned my laziness. And stay away from my son." "Make me." "Maybe later," he said, then shut his eyes and fell asleep. He must have stolen Ranma from someone, 'cause I can't see how he could be Ranma's real father, Ukyou thought, then sighed. I gotta tell Haruka something, but what? If I tell her too much and they do turn her into a youma, then they'll be able to track us all down, but... Ukyou lost herself in thought. ************* "How about if you and Kasumi come visit with me for a while? The house gets lonely sometimes," Ami's father suggested as they waited for their food. "Well, I do have school all day, so I wouldn't be around so much, but Kasumi doesn't have school. Sure," she said. "Mom probably wouldn't mind some solitude for a few weeks. You'd have to drive me to school, though; it's a long commute from here down by the bay." "That's fine," he said. "It would make me get up in the morning. And..." He smiled at her. "My new neighbor has a boy about your age who..." "Dad..." Ami said embarrassedly. "I'm too busy with school for a boyfriend." "Oh come on, one date wouldn't hurt you. He's a very nice boy." "What's his name?" "Urawa Ryo. I'm sure you'll like him. He was top of his class at Mugen Gakuen last year. Very smart, and he plays Chess too." "Really? I could use a chess partner," Ami said. "Good. I'll see about setting you up a dinner and a game once you and Kasumi get settled in." If this is the start of me getting four would-be fiancees like Ranma, I'll scream, Ami thought. The food came, and they set to laying it waste. ************* The next morning at breakfast, Usagi said, "How do I look?" Everyone stared at her, then started. Her hair was now a bright red, and piled up into a mass of braids topped by a blue sun hat. And her eyes had somehow turned a soft brown. "Not bad disguise," Ranma said. "What's the ocassion?" "Well, Setsuna suggested it. Since the youma know what I look like, it's time for me to look different." "We'd best do up Shampoo as well," Rei said. "Maybe blonde with curls?" Shampoo gagged. "Ugh." "Red with a braid," Ukyou suggested, laughing. "Then she would look like Usagi's big sister." Shampoo looked dubious, but Usagi said, "Great idea." Shampoo soon found herself outvoted. *********** Later that morning, Ukyou went over to Haruka's house. To her surprise, Haruka was wearing a blue sundress when she answered the door, and looking rather miserable. "Mom happened," she said simply, then let Ukyou in. "I start school again in a week. Mom's stuck me in an all-girls' school. Bleah. Some snooty Catholic girls' school. I'm not Catholic, but I guess Mom threw enough money at them that they didn't care." "And that's the uniform?" Ukyou asked. It was rather nice looking, she thought. "No, they wear some ugly ass grey thing." She turned and shouted, "Hey, Mom, that was my friend Ukyou. You wanna meet her?" "Sure," she shouted back. They went to the kitchen, where a middle aged woman was hard at work on a cake. She was tall, thin, and pale with long black hair tied back into a pony-tail. "Hi there. I'm Ten'ou Momoe, Haruka's step-mother. Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you. I'm Kuonji Ukyou. I was Haruka's roommate at Blue Sky." Momoe shook her head. "Well, I'd tell you I was sorry you two got thrown out, but I'd be lying. I've been telling Haruka for years she couldn't keep this up forever. But I do feel sorry for you having to try to find a new school at this time of year." "So what school are you going to be going to now, Haruka?" "T&A Academy," Haruka said. "Oh hey, that's where Rei goes to school," Ukyou said. "It's supposed to be pretty good." "The uniform is butt ugly," Haruka said. "And I gotta dress like a..." "You are a girl," Momoe said. "No shame in that. You'll never find a husband the way you carry on." "I don't want a husband. I want to be a racer," Haruka said. Ukyou could tell this argument was going to go nowhere fast, so she cut in. "How hard is it to get into T&A?" "The entrance exam is pretty rough, but once you get in, it's an elevator school, so you won't have to take the college exam if you go to their affiliated university," Momoe said. "However, they'll also accept high enough scores from a dozen or so other schools' entrance exams. Haruka's scores just barely let her squeak in." "I think the running coach held a gun to their heads," Haruka said, laughing. "The man knows I was good enough to win men's meets. At a girl's school, I'll really kick some butt." "My big problem is that I don't have a lot of money. I could only afford Blue Sky because I won a years' free tuition in their martial arts tournament." "Well, do a public school. They're free." Ukyou blinked. I suppose I could, since I have somewhere to live now. Oooh, and Ranchan is at Juuban. It's public. Good idea, she thought. "Hadn't thought of that. Good idea." "Oh, Haruka, can you run to the store? I'm out of icing." "Sure," Haruka said. "C'mon, Ukyou, let's go break a few traffic laws." **************** "So what's on your mind?" Haruka asked as they wandered around the store, looking for icing. "You looked distracted all the way over here." How do I say this, Ukyou asked herself. "Your boss is an evil invader from another dimension who plans to turn you into a monster." That probably wasn't it, she thought too late. Haruka laughed. "Okay, I won't ask." She scratched her head. "If you were a box of icing, where would you be hiding?" "I'm serious! They're behind all the monster attacks we've had lately." "C'mon, you don't really believe all those ludicrous stories, do you?" Dim memories of having been AT one of those monster attacks surfaced in Haruka's brain, but she dismissed them. "Yes, I do. Because I'm one of the people who fight them." Haruka and Ukyou stared at each other, then Haruka laughed. "What, like Wedding Peach? Fighting evil in a wedding dress?" Ukyou laughed. "No, like this." She took Haruka to the bathroom, and then she transformed, after checking to make sure no one was around to see. "Damn, you look good in that," Haruka said, then blinked. "Hey, that looks like my..." "Race car uniform. Okay, here's the whole story..." *********** Ranma sat with Ami, eating lunch. "So, you think that..." "Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo...." Umino ran by, whooping uncontrollably. Ami looked at Ranma. "I think he finally snapped." Naru came up to them, looking nervous. "Can I sit with y'all?" "Sure," Ami said. Naru glanced over nervously at Ranma, who got infected by it though he wasn't quite sure why. "He's got a date," she said when Umino ran by again. "His cousin hooked him up with some girl who goes to...Torio, I think." Ranma and Ami glanced at each other. "Her name wouldn't happen to be Kikubi Naoko, would it?" Ami asked. "Akiko, I think. Not sure what her family name is." "Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..." "Geez, you'd think he won a million dollars or something." "Ranma, I...I think I'm ready to start coming to your classes again," Naru said. "Good. Usagi wishes you'd come by more often." Naru blushed slightly. "I...uh..." "Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..." "Will someone PLEASE do something about that guy?" Ranma shouted. "Woo woo woo...ack!" Umino hit Naru's outstretched leg and went down. "Hey!" "People are trying to eat here, you know," Naru said to Umino. "So, did your dad really swim the Bering Strait on his way back here?" Umino asked Ranma. "He took the ferry." "Is he really dating Heather Locklear?" "Are you really on drugs?" "No!" "There you go." "Any of you hear about the big fight between the Sailor Senshi and some monsters at Baka-Mart? Turned out the manager of Baka-Mart was a monster!" Umino said. "But Mercury was too smart for him. Intelligence always triumphs." Ami smiled. "Good thing she's in charge, eh?" "Yeah, exactly." "So what'd ya hear about Saturn?" Ranma asked. "Who? Oh wait, do you mean the car company? They don't sell so well in Japan, I think. They have a new model out? Or do you mean the Sega system?" Ranma fumed. *************** "Okay, I'll buy you have magic," Haruka said as they headed across the parking lot after buying the icing. "That doesn't prove my boss is a monster, though." Ukyou couldn't think of a good way to prove it, either. "I'll find some proof." "Well, better find it soon. My next race is Saturday." "I know. Just don't accept any power drinks or special electrolysis or anything before I can prove it, okay?" "Isn't that for removing hair?" "You know what I mean." *********** Mamoru answered the knock at his door. "Hello?" An attractive young lady with long red hair bound back into a braid stood in the doorway, wearing a tight purple dress with yellow flowers. She carried two bonbori, and looked like she knew how to use them. Pointing one of them at him, she said, "Shampoo has come to challenge you to duel to see if you're strong enough to marry her." "..." This has got to be one of Motoki's pranks, Mamoru thought. He must have paid her to do this or something. "Well, you accept challenge?" "What kind of duel?" "Blunt weapons so no one die easily." "But I don't even know you. Why would I want to marry you?" "You think Shampoo is ugly?" She visibly deflated. "No, no, I didn't say that. But...your name is Shampoo?" She nodded. "Can Shampoo come in?" "Uh, sure," he said. They went to the living room. "Tea?" he asked. "No, Tea is my cousin." Shampoo paused. "Oh, yes, I would like some." "..." He got her some tea, pausing to boggle. "I take it you're not from Japan." "Shampoo is a Chinese Amazon. Came to Japan with my little sister, who is now engaged to a Japanese boy, although he's not as good as she thinks he is. But people in love act crazy." "How do you even know who I am?" he asked. "Saw you at race. Shampoo was very impressed. Now Shampoo wants to see if you would make a good husband." "I'm too busy with school to get married." "The Amazons have a lot of plant lore. More than your school." She looked at his arm. "I see Vampire Roses attacked you." "What, the black ones?" "Yes. Shampoo know best cure. You got herbs in kitchen?" "Uh huh." His old bandages were soon replaced by new ones, packed with several spices from the kitchen and several flakes from a jar Shampoo had been carrying. "I don't see how oregano will help," Mamoru said. "Ancient Chinese secret," Shampoo said amiably. "By tomorrow, all the rashes will go away, and you'll feel much better. Shampoo suggest you burn the roses." "Can't. Kodachi would get very angry." "Burn Kodachi." "I wish. But that would get me fired and arrested and locked up." "So when we have duel?" "Ummm...I need some time to...uh...get back in fighting trim. Can you give me two weeks?" "Sound good to Shampoo. Stay away from evil roses in the meantime." "I'll try." *************** "Daddy, I have a present for you." Tourmaline handed the Thunderbolt to her father. "You can use this to throw lightning and to help you draw more magical energy." He blinked. "Why, thank you, Tourma-chan. If I ever get entrusted with another mission, it will be quite useful. Did you make it?" She frowned slightly. "It belonged to the Sky King of Jupiter during the Silver Millennium. There's six more, if I can find them. Don't let the other Generals see you have it; they might try to confiscate it." He nodded. "How are your missions coming along?" "Very well. Jadeite tells me that they all checked out as possessing power, although we still can't be sure yet if they're ours or...some of Serenity's people." "Your mother will be very happy. She missed her brother a lot in her first few years here, while we were still getting adjusted. And I missed them as well. Time heals all wounds, but it would be very good to have them with us. And we can...what's wrong? You're making a face." "I don't know," she said. "I just have this bad feeling something will go wrong." "Now, now, that's not like you," Diamond said. "Is there something you're not telling me? Or is this really just a bad feeling?" "It's really just a bad feeling," she said. "I just...what are we going to do if some of them ARE some of Serenity's people?" He frowned. "We erase their memories and send them home. We probably should just kill them in that case, but I couldn't do that to my brother and sister-in-law. They might join us anyway; family ties run deep." Not deep enough to turn Sailor Mercury, Tourmaline thought. What the hell am I going to do about her? *********** Setsuna's house was the designated spot for the official strategy meeting. Her living room was crammed full of people. She brought out a plate of cookies and two pitchers of lemonade as Ukyou said, "I need some kind of proof." "Well, if we had the Lantern of Truth or the Eye of Agamotto, it would be easy," Luna said. "But they've been lost for millennia now. In fact, the Lantern probably got destroyed when the Kingdom of Saturn fell." "Take him to the youma," Rei suggested. "Oh yeah, youma make such reliable witnesses," Ranma said. "For that matter, we can't be sure what the youma told us isn't some kind of trick. It gave up awfully easily. Maybe the racetrack will be a trap or something." Setsuna nodded. "Good point. But we can't take the chance that Haruka will be turned into a monster." Ami said, "I've got an idea on how we can catch Jadeite and maybe Tourmaline too." "What's the idea?" Naoko asked. "Well, you see, Luna has a disguise pen, that can make anyone look like someone else. Which includes Jadeite or Tourmaline. Now, one of us could impersonate one of them, and go around giving orders which would disrupt the whole operation. When they come for the fake, then the rest of us could teleport in and jump the real ones. Play our cards right, and we could take them both out. We'd probably need to get Setsuna to do the impersonation if we do Tourmaline." "It's going to have to be Jadeite, because none of us know what Tourmaline looks like," Luna said. "We can get Ranma to do it." "I ain't never seen Jadeite face to face." He paused. "In this life." "Then I'll do it," Ami said. "I've seen him." "But can the pen turn you into a guy?" Ranma asked. "It's just a disguise." "I'll do it," Rei said. "I knew him best, back in the past. I can fake it best." "Hmmm...with a little work, we might be able to pass off Ami as Feldspar," Usagi mused. Ami blinked. "What?" "Hmm. There is some resemblance, but Feldspar is a lot more muscular," Setsuna said. "I could get her some colored contact lenses to match the eyes, though. Same nose. Hmm." "In a uniform, the bulk difference won't be so obvious," Naoko said. "But I think she'd only fool really stupid people or ones in a fairly dark room." "Any way to get more disguise pens?" Ukyou asked Luna. "Not unless the Artificer's Guild somehow survived. The Generals probably all have disguise pens." "Well, if we catch one, then we'll have another," Naoko said. "Too bad there's not some way to put a tracer on Jadeite," Ami said. "The tricky part will be if Jadeite shows up too early before Rei can cause enough chaos." "I will try to get a map of the stadium so we can make more detailed plans tomorrow," Setsuna said. "But I think I have to do homework now. Bleah." Ukyou grinned. "No homework for me." "Or me and big sister," Usagi said. Many tongues were stuck out in unison. ************* Ranma woke up in the middle of the night for no discernable reason, then couldn't get back to sleep. He assumed it was probably due to worrying about Rei screwing up and getting herself mangled when they tried to carry out Ami's plan. I should be the one doing this, he thought. Since all he could remember of Jadeite was that the man was blond, however, he couldn't do it. And when they'd tested the disguise pen, everyone had said her Jadeite was perfect. It made him worry, anyway. There were too many ways for the plan to go wrong. "Mmmmm, kiss me again," Rei muttered in her sleep. Guess she's got no worries, Ranma thought. Then the window began to creak open. Usagi's head popped up, and Usagi began to clamber in the window. Ranma got up and went over. "What are you doing?" he whispered. "I got lonely," she whispered back. "I'll sneak back out before anyone gets up." "Bad, bad, bad idea," he whispered. "That sort of thing always goes horribly wrong. Especially since it takes a nuclear strike to wake you." "But Ranma..." "And it wouldn't be very nice of us to trick Rei, now would it?" he asked. "Then I'll ask her if it's okay," Usagi said, starting to head for the bed. Ranma caught her shoulder and pulled her back. She ended up in his lap. "You really think she'd say yes?" "Maybe." He gave her a look. "Well, it could happen. She could sleep in between us. It'd be even better with three." Ranma gave her another look, and she blushed. "I didn't mean it like that." Rei sat up. "Ranma, you're talking in your...Usagi?" She stared at the two of them. Ranma braced for imminent impact. Usagi got up and came over to Rei. "I got lonely in my tent, and...Would you come sleep with me, Rei? Big sister's run off after that guy again tonight, and I just didn't want to sleep alone." "..." Ranma began to relax. "I could go sleep outside, and you two could stay in here." Rei scratched her head. "Ahah. I know what to do. Go douse yourself, Ranma, and then Usagi can stay with us." "I can't sleep in no wet clothing." "Take it off first, you idiot!" Rei rolled her eyes. "We do have a bathroom full of towels, you know!" Ranma left grumbling. Usagi said, "Thank you, Rei-chan." "I shoulda made him do it before going to bed, anyway. Having a guy in the same room is just..." "Gives you naughty thoughts?" Rei blushed. "You're one to talk." "He gives me very naughty thoughts sometimes. Not quite so naughty as..." She caught herself. "Someone else you've been thinking about?" Usagi blushed. "A little." "Why don't you go chase him, then? If he makes you think even...you know." "Not interested in women." "Wh...oh, you mean he isn't interested in women." "As far as I know," Usagi said, staring intently at a lock of her hair. "And Ranma's my fiancee by Amazon law, anyway. So I shouldn't be thinking about anyone else." "Usagi, no one here but you and Shampoo care about Amazon law." "I know, but...Amazons are allowed multiple spouses,but... thinking thoughts like this about two people just kind of scares me. I mean, I tried to..." She turned beet red. "It's allowed, but it often doesn't work out, and I don't know if two Japanese people would, or if I could...I mean..." Ranma-chan walked in, still drying her hair. "You ain't gonna make me do this every night, are you?" "Well, I can't turn into a guy." "Oh, just bloody great," Ranma-chan muttered, lying down on the futon. Usagi scrambled into the sheets next to her, lying on her back. "Mmm, this is so nice and soft." "Futons aren't soft," Rei said. "Compared to the ground they are," Ranma-chan muttered. "Can we sleep now?" He and Usagi drifted off, leaving Rei awake, unable to sleep because she was trying to figure out who Usagi could have been thinking about. I can't think of any gay guys she might have a crush on...maybe she's thinking about Haruka? No, I've seen him ogle women...he can't be gay. Maybe it's some friend of Naru's. A thought struck her. Wait, what if...no way, she thought. After what happened with Ranma and Naru, though....Man, if she has a crush on Naru or something...geez, it's weird enough to fit everything else funky around here. That must be it, she decided. That's why she was being so vague. And why she thought her thoughts were even naughtier. Iya. She looked down, and saw Ranma-chan was sprawled out face down, and Usagi had rolled over to cuddle up to her. She felt a surge of jealousy. Dammit, he's my fiancee, she thought. If anyone's going to cuddle up to him, it ought to be me. I thought that would discourage her, but if she likes women... Well, only one way to deal with this without having a riot that will wake everyone up. She slipped down, and gently shook them to test if they were awake. Then she hauled Ranma-chan over and put her in the bed, and got into the futon with Usagi, who immediately latched onto her, making tiny happy noises in her sleep. She probably thinks I'm Ranma, Rei thought. To her own surprise, it was very easy for her to slip off to sleep now. Dreamland took her swiftly. ************ Rei woke up when someone kissed her on the lips. "Good morning, Ranma," Usagi whispered. "..." Usagi opened her eyes. "You're not Ranma-chan." "You..." "I thought you were Ranma!" "Oh great, my first kiss and it's from a crazy Amazon woman who can't tell the difference between me and someone else!" Rei tried to grab Usagi and throw her out the window, but she missed. Ranma-chan sat up. "Man, this futon is...hey, I'm in the... What's going on?" "Your first kiss?" Usagi asked. "Really?" "YES!" "What, you two were making out?" Ranma-chan rubbed her eyes. "Is this some kinda crazy dream where one of you announces you're actually Beryl too?" "We were not making out! This idiot kissed me because she thought I was you!" "Well, I didn't expect YOU to crawl into bed with me!" Usagi shouted back. "You'd have done the same thing!" "Would not!" "How'd I get up here?" Ranma-chan asked. "I put you up there!" Rei said. "So you did get into bed with me," Usagi said. "You were all over Ranma, which defeated the whole point of us all being women!" "Amazons sleep close to conserve body heat on cold nights," Usagi said. "Big sister and I do that all the time. And I have to say, you're really warm, Rei." "..." "Yeah, she's telling the truth," Ranma-chan said. "Ain't you ever seen them in their tent?" "No!!!" "It was just an honest mistake or whatever. C'mon, we gotta get ready for school?" "Don't you even care that my first kiss was not just with a girl, but an accident too?" "At least it wasn't Eowyn telling you what to do," Ranma-chan said. "Mine was damn Ruby taking over." Rei got big eyes. "You kissed Setsuna?" "It wasn't me, dammit, it was him! I got more sense than to go around kissing some woman I ain't even dating." Ranma-chan got out of bed. "That's not counting everyone who's kissed me without asking." "Then you ought to kiss Rei," Usagi said. "That way, she gets a kiss with a guy she likes that isn't an accident. And you can kiss me too, just so we'll all be even with Setsuna." "What kinda crazy logic is that?" Ranma-chan asked. "Well, I could kiss Rei again so it wouldn't be an accident, but I don't think that's what she wants." "This is ridiculous," Rei said. "I have school. You two can stay here and have mad passionate lesbian sex or whatever. I'm going to go take a bath and go." She stormed out. "Rei-chan, I didn't..." She started to go after Rei, but Ranma-chan grabbed her. "You've done enough damage for one night. Day. Whatever." "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I really did think it was you. I mean, if I had known it was her, I wouldn't have kissed her like that. I mean, how was I supposed to know she'd swap places with you?" Usagi sounded and looked frantic. "I know. But..." A thought struck her. "But you knew I was in my girl body." "I'm not blind." "And you didn't care." "It's still you, boy or girl," she said. "And...Do you think you could...never mind. I'll go make breakfast and try to think of some way to make it up to Rei. And you really should do something to make her feel better." "I didn't do nothing to make her feel bad! Not this time!" "She'd really like it if you kissed her. It wouldn't be her first kiss, but...I wish I'd known. That sort of thing is really important." If you're insane, Ranma-chan thought. "I'm gonna go get some hot water." Usagi got up. "I'll get it for you. I can hear Rei in the bathroom." The door opened and Genma barged in. "Time for some early morning training, boy." He tossed Ranma-chan over one shoulder and ran out. "..." ************** "She did what?" Ranma-chan resolved to never try to explain anything to her father ever again. "Anyway, Usagi thinks I should like kiss all the others to make it even." "Lemme get this straight, there's voices in your head telling you what to do?" "It's just..." "Stuff training. It's exorcism time for you, boy. You're gonna have to miss school." Actually, that's not a bad idea, he thought. "Let's go get Grandpa, then." **************** "Having trouble with flashbacks to past lives?" Grandpa asked Ranma. "Exactly." "Right. No problem. What's his name?" "Ruby." Grandpa's eyes widened. "The guy who shot..." "No! He was like...this samurai from a long time ago." "Geez, another Moon Kingdom haunting," Grandpa said. "Been having a lot of people coming in the last year or so complaining of attacks of being some person from some 'Moon Kingdom' or 'Golden Kingdom'. And one 'Wild Kingdom'. Anyway, we can use a standard exorcism or the staircase method." "Staircase method?" "I throw you down the stairs." "..." "It's quick, but not very reliable." "I think that would be unwise, Hino-san," Genma said. "I remember you nearly killed Tendo-san with that one." "True, true." "Let's just do the standard one, okay?" Five hours later, Ranma was bored out of his skull, but he didn't feel any different. He'd sniffed enough incense for five shrines, stared into the fire until his eyes hurt, and listened to Grandpa recite hundreds of prayers. It wasn't doing any good, as far as he could tell. On the other hand, Ruby usually only came out when he was around Setsuna or a few times around Ukyou. "Well, I have a headache now." "Well, I'm out of options," Grandpa said. "You'll have to go see the girl and see if it causes another flashback." "And if it does, then I'll just chase her out of town," Genma said. "It ain't her fault, Pop." "Perhaps. And perhaps she's a witch." Ranma rolled his eyes. Whatever. Let's spar while we wait." "Excellent. I look forward to thrashing you, as I'm sure you've been slacking." ************ Genma blocked one of his son's kicks with ease, but went flying, anyway. As he tumbled, he concluded the boy had become substantially stronger, but was indeed getting sloppier. Perhaps he's been concentrating on physical exercise more than technique. Or perhaps he's too busy teaching to keep up his technique practice. Genma was proud to see his son teaching so many students, regardless of the insults he might rain down on his son's teaching style. The boy had a long way to go in learning how to teach well, but he clearly enjoyed it, and he seemed to have a knack for spotting the best students and giving them the attention they needed. Ultimately, you had to like teaching martial arts, or it wouldn't matter how GOOD you were at teaching it. No one learns well if the teacher is bored. He bounced off a tree and got to his feet. "You've got power, boy, but you're so sloppy it makes me sick. You've been spending your time on women instead of your Art." Ranma laughed. "And you spend your time on food." He charged, then leaped up to strike at Genma's head instead of his chest as his initial assault had indicated. Genma was pleased to see Ranma could still pull this off. He showed his pleasure by side-stepping and helping Ranma fly even further and higher, right into a tree. "Better, boy, better." Ranma slammed into about a dozen more things before Genma went over to the assault, leaping in ways that utterly belied his bulk. Like a sumo wrestler, there was far more muscle to him than one expected from an initial look. He bounced around Ranma like an out of control pogo stick, then finally hefted him and tossed him high. When he came down, Genma punted him over the temple. "You should have been able to change direction in the air, boy! You've forgotten the Saotome Turn!" He charged around the temple, only to find Ranma crumpled in a heap. "You're bluffing boy. I know you could take that all day." He came a little closer. "I'm not stupid boy. I know you're bluffing. When I run over to check on you, you'll jump up and throw me. I taught you that." Ranma was utterly still to a degree that impressed him. Normally, Ranma's foot twitched when he was feigning unconsciousness. Then he noticed three arrows sticking out from under Ranma, and he blinked. I didn't shoot any... The thought that Ranma might have fallen on them struck him, and he rushed over. When he got a bit closer, he realized it wasn't Ranma, it was a shooting dummy. By that point, Ranma had dropped down on him from a handy tree and knocked him to the ground. "Gotcha, old man." Genma laughed. "Very clever. But why do you have a shooting dummy that looks like you?" "Grandpa got mad at me one day, made it, and gave it to Shampoo. I fell on it when you knocked me over the temple." "Very clever boy. I see you have your wits. But we're going to have to drill you on the techniques you're supposed to have been learning. Every morning." "Okay." "No complaints, boy?" "I only complain when you don't make any sense, Pop. Long as you're my sensei, I'll do what you say when it comes to martial arts." "Good. That's the attitude. Now, go practice the rest of the afternoon until we're ready to go see if the exorcism worked." Ranma nodded, got off Genma, and headed to the front yard to practice. If only he'd be as obedient a son as he is a student, Genma thought. But if wishes were horses, beggars would get trampled. Such is life. ***************** "You have a WHAT?" Tourmaline asked Feldspar. Feldspar stared out the window at the ever-so-fascinating brick wall of the next building five feet away. "A date." "When?" "Friday night." "Move it. I'll need you on Saturday during the day." Tourmaline paused. "Is he cute? Did Opal finally get up the courage to ask you out?" "Opal's been wanting to ask me out?" Feldspar said with big eyes. "Oogh, he's gonna kill me for letting you know," Tourmaline said. "So who is it?" "Margaret's cousin. Guy named Umino. I have no idea what he looks like." "You let Margaret set you up on a blind date?" Tourmaline asked in disbelief. "Hey, you never said I couldn't...I mean..." "You want to date, that's fine with me. It's just that Margaret has a flock of relatives who are completely insane she tries to set people up with. Like the snake charmer. Umm, anyway, I...uh...maybe we can fake you having bubonic plague." "Oh c'mon, Tourmaline, he can't be that bad, even if he's a human. I just need to get out of this place before I go nuts. Plus, Margaret'll be crushed if I back out now." Tourmaline looked at Feldspar assessingly, and smiled a tiny smile. "Well, I do insist you move the date, because I'll need you Friday night and Saturday. But after that, run wild." She paused for a moment, then said, "Good luck, sis. I hope you do have fun. I wish I had time to go on a date." "Thanks, Tourmaline. So what's happening Friday night and Saturday?" "Friday night we set the trap, and Saturday it gets sprung. I don't want you on-site on Saturday, but I do need you to be ready in case I need to call in the cavalry." "Right. So what makes your plan better than mine was? I thought you were hot on staying away from the Senshi." There was a slight edge to her voice. "The difference is that I know where the Senshi will be and what they plan to do. And they will be challenging Jade-chan and I on our home ground, a home ground which will be rigged in our favor. And most importantly, I've taken measures to cover my ass. Oh, and I won't be risking Father on my success." Feldspar winced. "He wanted to go." "I know. I shouldn't have taken that jab at you. I just...This will work." "We're selling encyclopedias," Feldspar quoted. Tourmaline winced. "That was a long time ago." "Not long enough. I heard from Mom that our relatives all checked out. So when do we go pick them up?" "Next week. Mom and I are still discussing the precise best approach. Aunt Reiko will be the hardest, since she's at work all the time. Kasumi will probably be easiest." Feldspar nodded. "Makes sense." "Well, time for me to go make another appearance in my secret identity." Feldspar giggled. "No one would really suspect that humble multi-millionaire Maxine Stanton is really....Batwoman!" Tourmaline laughed. "See you later." And then she vanished. *********** Setsuna had tea and chips ready for them when they arrived. Precognition can be handy. "It's nice to meet you," she said to Genma. "Well, boy?" he asked Ranma. "It's not like an allergy. It just happens. I can't tell." "What happens?" "Ranma says he gets flashbacks to past lives around you," Genma said, then stuffed a mountain of Doritoes into his mouth. "I love these things." Setsuna smiled a tiny smile. "I hoped you'd like them. So you brought him over here to see what it's like?" "We had him exorcised. I'm hoping it will cure him." "I understand you've traveled quite a bit, Mr. Saotome. Have you ever been to see the Great Wall? I've always wanted to." "Oh, the Great Wall was perfect for training," Genma said, launching into a long rambling discourse on the two months he and Ranma had spent training on it during their trip to China. Ranma sat around bored while Setsuna hung on his every word. Geeze, suck up a little harder, will ya, he thought after a while of it. Finally, Genma ran out of words. "Well, I suppose Ranma and I should be going or we'll miss dinner." "Oh, I was going to make sukiyaki. Are you sure you can't stay for it?" Genma drooled just a bit. "I suppose we could call and say we'll miss dinner." "I think Usagi was planning to..." Ranma began. "Now, now, after the young lady has offered to feed us, it would be rude to refuse. The Amazon can make us dinner any time, but who knows when we'll be here again?" "Ranma comes over here all the time," Setsuna said. "You're welcome to visit whenever you like. I'll go start dinner." She bowed, rose, and went to the kitchen. "Now that's the sort of young lady the world needs more of," Genma said. "Respectful, helpful, polite, and willing to cook. Is she good at it?" "She's not great, but she's okay," Ranma said. Geez, you thought she was probably a witch a few hours ago. Man, she's playing Pop like a violin. I mean, I'm glad he likes her, but...yeesh. While not the greatest meal of all time, the food was acceptable, and most importantly for Genma, the food came in large quantities. By the end, he was stuffed. "Thank you very much, Setsuna," he said. "But now we really must go, or I'll fall asleep at the dinner table." "It was a pleasure to cook for you," she said. "Have a nice walk home. We're studying together for the test tomorrow, right, Ranma?" she asked him. "Yes," he said, feeling a little disappointed. She hadn't even hit on him once. Not that he wanted all the women hitting on him, of course. Maybe she's been possessed, he thought. By a butt-kissing monster. "Good. See ya then! Goodnight, Mr. Saotome. Blessing of the spirits on you." "And on you as well," he said. As he and Ranma walked down the street, he said, "Now that's the sort of young lady I would want to see you with if you weren't engaged to Rei. You didn't have any flashbacks?" "Nope." I think Ruby passed out from shock, he thought. "Good. You're probably cured." He stretched. "I will sleep well tonight." I'll be lucky if I get any sleep at all, Ranma thought. *************** "Madame Stanton, it is a pleasure to have you grace my fine establishment," the Gambling King said, kissing her hand. Tourmaline successfully didn't vomit, although it wasn't easy. "It is a pleasure to see you. I understand you possess several ninjas." "Yes. I take it you need to rent one?" "Preferably one good at disguise. A female one." The Gambling King snapped his fingers, and a nearby wall screen fell down, revealing a blonde girl in a fairly traditional black and brown ninja outfit, holding two eggshell grenades in her hands. As she fell down, they smashed into the ground, vomiting forth huge black clouds of smoke. She began to cough and staggered out of the cloud rubbing her eyes. "Here I am, sir." "This is Minako. She has quite a knack for disguise and witless conversation. And she's quite sneaky when not doing something stupid." "Hey!" "Do you think you could impersonate me?" "With the right equipment. Given you're disguised yourself, it shouldn't be too hard. I assume you need a body double?" Tourmaline blinked. "Interesting. Yes, I will." She tossed a bag of gems to the Gambling King. "I'll need her for about a month." "As you like." They departed together, and once out of the Gambling King's earshot, she said, "So you can tell I'm disguised?" "Yes. Detecting that sort of thing is part of ninja training. I'm not very good at assassinations and stuff...I mean, not that my kind of ninja assinates people, but you know what I mean. What I do well is disguises. Oh, and singing and tea ceremony." Tourmaline said, "What kind of ninja are you?" "Tea house ninja. I was raised by them after my parents gambled me away at the age of three." She shook her head. "But then Sensei lost a three day match with the Gambling King, and along with some other ninjas, we all ended up working for him. I guess you're expecting an assassination attempt?" "Something like that," Tourmaline said. They got into the back of Tourmaline's limo out in the parking lot. "It will be very dangerous." "I'm not afraid of danger," she said. "Did you anger the Yakuza or something?" Tourmaline dug through her purse, and pulled out a small blue-green gemstone which began to glow when she touched it. "Hold this for a minute, will you?" Minako took it. It flickered for a moment, then shone as brightly as before. "What is this?" "It's a little trinket I picked up in Singapore. It glows in response to body heat." She took it back and handed Minako a key. "This will be for your locker at the stadium, which is where I'm going to need you. Now, what I need you to do..." ************** No Usagi in the bedroom this time when Ranma-chan arrived for bed, just Rei, who was reading her new manga she'd gone and bought earlier in the day. "You ain't still pissed about this morning, are ya?" Ranma-chan asked. "Come over here," she said without looking up. Ranma-chan did with only a smidgen of fear. "I still don't understand what exactly happened other than somehow I was in the bed and Usagi kissed you." Rei put away the manga, sighing. "Sit." She pointed to the edge of the bed. Ranma-chan came over and sat. "Okay, I'm sitting." "I put you in the bed. I was just...I was tired and couldn't think straight. And I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just...I didn't want my first kiss to be like that." "I dunno what the big deal is, but don't worry about it. So, you're like not mad about me and Setsuna?" "That's another issue entirely," Rei said. "What happened this morning had nothing to do with that." "So do you think Usagi is right?" "Eh?" "About kissing everyone to make it even?" "That's one of the dumbest dumb ideas I've ever heard. Never kiss anyone unless you really like them. I mean, if you want to kiss someone, don't make excuses for it, and if you don't want to, don't feel like you have to. I mean, if you wanted to say, kiss, oh, I don't know, Ukyou, or Usagi, or me, then you ought to just do it. Because you love her, or even just like her, just like Usagi thought she was kissing you when she was kissing me, which was much worse than if she'd just kissed me because she'd wanted to kiss me, it's like reading someone's mail." "Rei, you're babbling." Rei took a deep breath. "Do you want to kiss any of us?" "I have days where I wanna kiss everyone I meet. Everyone female that is. About the only good thing about this curse is that when I'm a girl, I can focus without getting distracted by all that. I mean, it's not like I stop liking women, but it just isn't so pressing. The volume turns down. So, I could like kiss you and it wouldn't bug me, but I don't like look at women and think about their...you know. You're looking at me funny, Rei." "Is that a yes or a no?" "I dunno what the hell love feels like. I mean, I like all of you, and when I'm a guy, I get these thoughts like...ya know. But I mean, isn't love supposed to be some sort of thing where you like KNOW you're in love?" "I think sometimes you kinda stumble backwards into it." "Yeah, Ruby and Pluto were like that. Especially Pluto. She was all wrapped up in that 'noble self-sacrifice' thing she does sometimes. Well, used to do. She thought she wasn't allowed to ever fall in love, and Ruby liked her, but he'd get pissed because she'd get all self-righteous and stuff. Plus, I think he had his head up his ass sometimes." Rei laughed. "The more things change..." Ranma continued. "My real problem is that I can't just decide to date someone. I mean, I don't want to get married yet. You don't want to, do you?" "Not really." "But if I pick anyone, I'm gonna like have to marry her, like it or not." "Ranma, I would never force you to marry me." "Yeah, but our folks would. Which is worse. I can always find another girlfriend, but I can't get another family. Pop's an idiot, but he's all I've got, especially if Mom really does hate us." "I know how you feel. Grandpa's all the close family I've got. I don't want him to hate me, but I mean...I don't want to get married either. But I do...I mean...Yeah, I wish we could both just be free to like date and stuff. Even if it was with...you know." "Pop likes Setsuna. She like majorly kissed his butt so much I was starting to wonder who'd replaced her with an evil clone or something," Ranma-chan said. "Yeah, I heard him telling Grandpa that if he had any other relatives who needed a wife..." She shook her head. "You didn't tell him about the Sailors, did you?" "Nope. Pop couldn't keep that secret for ten seconds. And he'd probably tell me it was a distraction from martial arts." "Yeah. Wanna go out Friday night with me and Usagi and...I dunno...got any other guy friends we could take along?" "What, like a double date thing? Ken would probably go for it, but then Ukyou'd get mad." "Hmm...we could do a triple with say...Haruka?" "Har..." Wait, she doesn't know Haruka's a woman, Ranma-chan thought. I probably should tell her, but...Then again, Haruka would probably laugh her ass off at the whole thing. "I'll talk to Haruka about it. We probably ought to wait until after the big fight Saturday, though. We're gonna need our sleep." "True. Talk to Haruka and Ken, I'll talk to Ukyou." "Right. See you in the morning." "Good night, Ranma." ************** "So, did I imagine it, or were you kissing Pop's ass?" Ranma asked Setsuna when their study session the next day lagged. Setsuna blinked, then laughed. "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, Ranma." "Yeah, but, I mean, jeez, you were laying it on thick." "Do you want me to be rude to him?" she asked. "Well, no, but..." "Did I make a bad impression?" "Well, no, but..." "Did he like it?" "Yeah." "There you go." Ranma frowned. "It's just creepy when you're like that." "I do not hesitate to stoop to conquer," she replied. "As compared to Ukyou, who will likely never get him to accept her." "She hates his guts." "Well, there is that too." Setsuna shrugged. "So you're going to go see your mother in a month or so?" "Yeah, I think Pop wants to be ready in case she tries to kill him for real." Ranma rolled his eyes. "What a mess." "I'm sure you'll be able to convince her it's all a big mix-up. Your father was acting from good intentions." "Yeah. But I'd rather not get in a fight with Mom, ya know." "I know. But I'm sure it'll all work out." "Sure sure, or you just hope sure?" "Hope sure." "Well, we'll cross that bridge in a month. Throw some more questions at me." "Get ready to dodge," she said, laughing, and then the studying resumed. ************ "Ready for tomorrow?" Jadeite asked Tourmaline as they sat in plush chairs in the living room of the vast mansion they had acquired to further their masquerade as the Stantons. "As ready as I will ever be. My sister found several minor bugs in our plan which I have fixed. And took great pleasure in pointing them out." Jadeite laughed. "Good. She's learning. We hardly wish to repeat her experience." He took a small crystal polyhedron out of his pocket and placed it on the coffee table. It began to shine faintly, and music played from it. "Shall we dance?" Tourmaline's eyes widened. "Dance? As in...dance?" He stood up. "This crystal holds many of my favorite dancing songs, but I have not had much use for it in many years. But all things change with time. Come, and dance with me." Tourmaline found herself getting up and taking his hands, and stumbling through a dance she only dimly remembered from her past life. It was a Venusian dance, she thought. They spun and promenaded through the crowded room, and slowly the steps became more familiar. "I thought you were waiting for Eowyn." "Even if she has been reborn, she would not be the same. I don't think I ever met you so long ago, but you have her fire and her wit and her grace. You are right; I am a fool to have waited so long." He spun her out, and a vase nearly went flying. "And this is not the best room for this." "I think there's a ballroom," Tourmaline said faintly. She soon found herself in it, dancing easily and gracefully now, her feet knowing what to do, enjoying it greatly. The music changed to a tune from the Kingdom of Jupiter, one she knew far better than the first. The dance changed as well to a very fast paced one that reminded her somewhat of the jitterbug at twice the normal speed. They danced silently, because they had to concentrate. Even then, during a lift, he lost his hold on her, and tossed her through the ceiling. This was not part of the plan. She fell back through the hole and landed on him, knocking him flat. For a few seconds, they both lay there winded. "Explaining that to the repairmen will be fun," she said. He laughed. "I did that to Eowyn once. That dance isn't designed for people as strong as us." "I didn't know you liked the dances of Jupiter." "That was my birthplace," he said. "Ruled by the Sky King, who was a complete moron, and his simpering, self-righteous children. But I was called away to become one of the Guardians. Trained to be a warrior in a time of peace. Few more frustrating fates can be imagined. But I couldn't see a way out of it until Beryl came to me. If only Endymion had been willing to listen to us, he and Beryl could have been wed, and we could have led humanity to a new age of glory. The universe was ours for the taking; we had but to reach out and take it. And now I'm rambling." He got up and took Tourmaline's hand, helping her up. "Peace was making humanity weak. Just look at how pathetic humanity has grown in this age. But once we free Metallia, the weak will be culled, and the rest will join us as the higher beings we've become. And then we will go to the stars." Jadeite rambled on as Tourmaline listened and wondered why he was so talky tonight. The four older Generals tended to play their cards very close to the chest. She respected that. But now he was pouring out his heart to her, and she didn't understand why. Tourmaline hated not knowing the 'whys' of things. "You must be very careful, Tourmaline. There have been only fifteen 'new' Generals since we were exiled. And Beryl destroyed them all in the end, or we manipulated them into destroying themselves. I wouldn't want you to become the sixteenth." That got her attention. "You think the others are after me?" "You can count on it. The four of us have only survived by pulling down our every rival. By destroying anyone who could pull us down. Nephrite is too obsessed with finding the Silver Crystal to care about you right now, but Zoicite and Kunzite want your head on a plate. And if our plan goes wrong, they may have both our heads." She nodded. "I would not enjoy that. But I don't plan for it to go wrong." "Contingency plans are best. I never thought the Love Line could go wrong either or that love cruise, but...the Senshi seem to have a knack for stumbling into our plans. And now they have two of the Outer Guardians with them." "And Pluto. And one of the Seven Thunders." "Piffle on the Seven Thunders. They were a bunch of over-rated, self-righteous fools serving a moron. Now, the Muses of Venus...they couldn't fight to save their lives, but they were quite good at their real job of inspiring and protecting art. They were useful. But the Seven Thunders...they didn't even have a good battle cry." He shrugged. "And the idea of being afraid of someone named Prudence...Although at times we could probably all use a little more...I'm rambling again." "Yes." "Let's dance some more. It will soothe my nerves." They danced with few words through three more songs, and Tourmaline let her mind drift back to memories of the Silver Milennium and times she had danced there. The calm she had come very close to losing a few minutes earlier returned, and soon, she felt very relaxed. In fact, dancing with Jadeite was rather fun. Finally, she said, "It's getting late. I must go." "A pity. I...we can talk of it later. Goodnight, fair Tourmaline." She curtseyed. "Goodnight." Then she teleported home and lay down on her bed. What is up with him, she asked herself. He was so...I felt like I'd wandered into a confession or something. What is up with him? He was acting completely unlike a General. Which pleased her, since the other Generals tended to be rather unpleasant to deal with a lot of the time. Maybe he wants to propose a formal alliance, she thought. That would make some sense. He could just be kissing up to me, but...there was something. Something else. She could smell it, but not quite grasp it. He was acting like...something. At least now I know how Beryl got her tendrils into him, she thought. I'd always wondered how Beryl got them to betray their king. But if they thought they could bring Endymion around... She got up and went over to her desk, made of opal and petrified wood. She doodled a list of names, then crossed most of them out. Opal and Sapphire. I need to find them before anyone else does, she thought. Ruby got away, and Diamond couldn't be turned...why? Why was Diamond more resistant than Endymion's personal guards? And did she just offer them things or put a magic whammy on them? I'd assumed the magic whammy, but...of course, it could just be a subtle magic whammy. And why didn't she go after Sapphire, who could have more easily freed Metallia? Does Beryl really want to free Metallia, or is she just using her for her personal benefit? Too many questions, she thought. And my time for answers is growing short. If I botch this one and get caught...Half my plans will come undone, and the other half won't be far behind. Assuming I live through it. Have to find Opal and Sapphire. The rest of the Seven Thunders...Jadeite is a fool to underestimate them, she thought. But then so did Beryl. Then again, if Beryl really does want to free Metallia, she's a complete idiot. The Seven Scourges were created to destroy humanity, and if she thinks she can use one of them... But probably Beryl is simply under Metallia's influence the way the other Generals came under hers, Tourmaline thought. Metallia probably took Beryl's resentment at inheriting neither of the thrones she had expected to hold as a child and magnified it, the way Jadeite's desire for glory was inflated to the point where he would cast the Ten Kingdoms into war to find it. And what about the others...Nephrite probably was tempted with Star Lore, but the other two...I still don't really know what they want, besides each other. Endymion...must add him to the must-find list. Perhaps Pluto knows, since she came to that fight with him, but why hasn't he shown up since? Tourmaline scribbled various ideas, then tore up the paper in frustration. Time for a long night in the archives and a lot of no-doz in the morning, she thought. Bleah. **************