*****************

       Children of Fire
       A Sailor Moon/Ranma Elseworld

       Chapter 15: Happy Days Are Here Again

       By
       John Biles

	http://maison-otaku.net/~rhea/SMR/

*****************

	"What's an ugly chick like you doing in charge of 
the Dark Kingdom anyway?" Dark Ranma said to Queen Beryl, 
demonstrating that brainwashing had not made him any 
smarter than he was before.  This was merely the 
culmination of obnoxious behavior.  Beryl was already 
deeply regretting having bothered to capture him.

	"Because I can crush you like a bug," Beryl replied.

	"Bullshit," Dark Ranma said.

	Beryl brought her staff around.  He caught it with 
ease.  Then she unloaded a power blast through her staff.  
Unable to dodge, he flew across the room, slamming into a 
wall and passing out.  "Diamond, did you tell him that 
rudeness was customary in the Dark Kingdom?"

	Diamond said weakly, "He's been utterly wretched 
ever since we got him out of the Crystal Coffin.  I'm 
sorry, your Highness.  If you wish to execute him, I will 
not complain."

	Beryl looked at him thoughtfully.  "Hmm, perhaps he 
simply needs a little work.  Yes, I think I know the best 
way to harness his talents without this hideous rude 
behavior."

	"An armband that shocks him whenever he is rude?" 
Diamond suggested.

	"A good idea, but no, this will be a little fancier, 
but also, I think, a little more fruitful."

	"How may I assist you in carrying this out?"

	"Send me your wife."  Beryl paused.  "I understand 
you were planning to engage him to one of your daughters 
for some reason?"

	"I swore an oath long ago.  And since his father is 
one of us now, I thought it appropriate to keep it."

	"I fear the marriage may have to be somewhat 
delayed.  Although in his current state, I wouldn't have 
made Serenity marry him.  Anyway, send your wife to me."

	Diamond nodded.  "Yes, my queen."  He left, 
wondering what exactly Beryl's plan was.

******************

	Keichii was a somewhat confused mugger.  It simply 
wasn't part of his daily normal routine to have some 
pale, creepy looking little kid confront him at the end 
of one of his muggings.  "You've been bad!  Now, drop 
that wallet, or I'll have to punish you!" the kid, who 
wore a baggy blouse and a skirt several sizes too large 
that kept threatening to fall off, proclaimed.  

	"Skiddo home, kid," Keiichi said.  "You ain't worth 
my time."

	The child produced a small coin with a hole in the 
center.  "This is your last warning!"  She shook a little 
with nervousness, or perhaps a fit of weakness, as she 
looked rather sickly.

	Keiichi laughed loudly and patted her on the head 
because he was in a good mood.  "How cute.  Are you a 
magical faerie princess today?"

	"Don't say I didn't warn you," the girl proclaimed.

	"See ya later, kid," he said, and started to walk 
past her.  

	She shouted something, and then pinkish purple 
energy erupted out of the coin, latching onto him.  He 
could feel himself getting weaker and weaker, and as he 
fell to his knees, he could see the kid grow to 
adulthood.  Her skin tone flushed with health now, and 
her hair grew longer.  Her clothing went from loose and 
baggy to well-fitting to just a little bit tight.  She 
was almost completely unrecognizable now.  

	He fell down, too weak to move.  She put away the 
coin, then took the wallet he'd just taken, and tossed it 
back to the victim he'd left unconscious.  Then she took 
his own wallet.  "Next time, don't be bad to people," she 
said, then went back over to the person he'd mugged.

	Kneeling by the middle-aged man, she laid her hands 
on his brow, and the swelling bruise there began to 
shine, and then faded away.  She helped the man to his 
feet when he awoke, then helped him out of the alley, 
leaving Keichii to wonder what the hell had just happened 
to him.

************

	Setsuna had a feeling of nameless dread as she lay 
on her bed, reading a romance novel.  She was too busy 
daydreaming about the Hibikis falling off a cliff to pay 
much attention to the nameless dread or to the book.  Her 
daydream was interrupted by Ryouga suddenly falling on 
her from the ceiling; he'd obviously wandered too far 
afield and been yanked back again.  For the fortieth time 
that day.  She parried him to one side with her book, 
then went back to it.

	Ryouga sighed.  "I was trying to go to the 
bathroom," he said.

	"I know," she said.  Except for a few times he'd 
landed on her when SHE was in the bathroom, she was 
generally understanding of these sudden appearances.  He 
just couldn't help it.  "I wonder how many couples have 
gone mad and killed each other with axes before they got 
to the wedding."

	"Well, normally, the chains aren't put on until both 
parties consent," Ryouga replied.  "Mom and Dad are 
REALLY being freaks about this."

	"I know."  Once again, Setsuna was tempted to go to 
Ami and have Ami scan the stupid manacles to find a weak 
point.  Ryouga was almost certainly going to find out 
about the Senshi now that she couldn't get more than a 
few dozen feet away from him, anyway.  "Are you good at 
keeping secrets?"

	"I am generally too lost to tell anyone who would 
care," Ryouga replied.

	Setsuna laughed.  "Alright.  Well, come with me, and 
I'll tell you one, and we'll see a friend who may be able 
to help us break these Chains of Love."

	"Lemme try to go to the bathroom first."

	"Right."

*****************

	Usagi watched Rei walk into the temple with a red-
haired woman and wondered if something had happened to 
age Ranma about fifteen years.  The woman walked like a 
good fighter, anyway.

	Rei looked heartbroken, while the woman looked very 
sad herself.  Usagi ran over to them.  "Rei-chan, what's 
wrong?"

	"They...they..."  Rei began to sob on Usagi's 
shoulder.

	"They took my son and my ex-husband," the woman 
said.  "I am Ranma's mother, Nodoka."

	Usagi's eyes widened.  "That's awful!  They showed 
up and attacked way out in the woods?"

	"Tourmaline and her gang," Rei spat out.  "They 
turned Saotome-san into Gluttony, and took Ranma away."

	Feeling her heart try to drop through her feet to 
the Earth's core, Usagi began to cry herself, holding Rei 
tightly.  She finally pulled herself together enough to 
say, "I'm Tsukino Usagi, a friend of Rei and Ranma."

	"The Amazon?" Nodoka asked.

	"Yes," Usagi said, wondering what all Nodoka knew 
and what she did not.  

	Grandpa came out now.  "Nodoka-san!"  He ran over as 
quickly as he could.  "I haven't seen you in years!"

	"It's good to see you too, Hino-sama," Nodoka said, 
clasping both of his hands for a moment.  "I understand 
you wish our children to be wed."

	Grandpa laughed.  "Right to the point as always.  
Yes, I would."

	"Well, my husband has been kidnapped by demons, and 
so has my son, so I'm afraid that won't be happening any 
time soon."

	Grandpa's eyes widened.  "They what?"

	"Why don't you come with me, and I'll tell you the 
whole story."  She hustled him off, leaving Rei and Usagi 
alone in the courtyard.

	"What are we going to do?" Rei asked Usagi softly.  

	"We're going to find him and get him back."

	Rei said, "Beryl is kicking our ass."

	"Well, it's time to start kicking hers.  We need to 
find where Nephrite is hiding and try to get the crystals 
he has away from him.  Then, when we get the remaining 
crystal, we can make the Silver Moon Crystal, then hop on 
out to the Dark Kingdom and kick Beryl's ass," Usagi said 
firmly.  "I've already got Ami looking for him as well as 
for the last crystal."

	Rei began walking towards the temple.  "And we need 
to talk about us.  And Ranma.  And everything.  I 
think...I think we blew it with him."

	"I know," Usagi said.  "But it's not over until we 
both sit down and talk to him.  So don't give up hope 
yet.  And..."  She took a deep breath.  "I'm sorry, Rei, 
it was my fault for pressing things like I did."

	"Oh, I didn't say no," Rei replied.  "We both blew 
it.  And I sort of ended up yelling at him more than 
apologizing to him when we tried to talk about it."

	Usagi sighed.  "Well, first we rescue him, then we 
can all sit down and finally...finally resolve 
everything."  She sighed.  

	"So, has your summer been as lousy as mine?" Rei 
asked Usagi.

	"They tried to turn Grandpa into one of the Seven 
Shadows, but we saved him," Usagi said to Rei.  "And we 
found Sailor Jupiter.  And we think Tsubasa may be 
Sapphire.  But we didn't get the crystal."

	Rei frowned deeply.  "They tried to turn Grandpa 
into one of the Shadows?"

	"Yeah."  They reached Rei's room.  "Here, let's sit 
down, and I'll tell you all about it."

*************

	Ryouga tried not to vibrate through the walls as Ami 
ran her hand over his hand and wrist where he had the 
now-invisible Chains of Love manacle affixed.  It wasn't 
easy.  "It...ahahah..."

	"Hmm, my scanner indicates some pretty potent magic 
here.  We might be able to break them with one of our 
attacks, but we'd have to risk hurting you in the 
process, since none of us have anything really..."  She 
looked thoughtful.  "Well, maybe Gosunkugi could do 
something with his darts.  What we really need is the 
violet crystal, which hasn't shown up yet, since it 
relates to love and desire and all that.  Or the Silver 
crystal proper.  Or a very well enchanted metal saw."

	"Can you make one?" Setsuna asked.

	"I don't remember how.  Though maybe Ukyou can use 
her powers to make something suitable when she gets 
back."  Ami looked thoughtful.  "Or maybe a point blank 
Moonbow shot could cut it without severing your hands."

	Ryouga said, "I'd rather not risk losing my hand."

	"I'll keep working on this, but I can't really see 
any good way to get them off that doesn't put you in a 
lot of danger.  I think Usagi and Shampoo studied some 
escapology as part of their martial arts.  Maybe they'll 
have a good idea."

	"We'll go see them next, then," Setsuna said.

	"Thanks a lot, Ami," Ryouga said.

	"You're welcome," she said, smiling.  "I'll be home 
all of today if you run into anyone who needs me for 
something.  Ryo's coming over in a little while to play 
chess."

	Ryouga frowned.  My rival, he thought.  
"I...I...Would you like to play Chess with me some time?" 
Ryouga asked Ami.

	"Sure, I'd love to," Ami said.

	Ryouga's brain overloaded at the word love, as was 
its wont.  Setsuna noticed and sighed slightly.  I miss 
you, Ranma, she thought.  Come back soon.  "Well, we're 
off to Usagi's.  See you later."

	"Bye!"

****************

	Usagi and Rei were sort of playing 'Life', when 
Setsuna arrived.  She could tell at a glance that it was 
a rather desultory sort of playing, the activity of 
people doing something because it kept them from 
screaming or throwing themselves through the walls.  

	"Oh, hey, you're back," Setsuna said to Rei.  "How 
was your trip?"

	"Beryl has Ranma and his father," Rei said softly.  
"I couldn't save them.  Saotome-san is Gluttony, now."  
She then explained the whole thing to Setsuna.

	Finally, Setsuna said, "Dammit!  Triple Dammit!"

	Then she suddenly realized Ryouga wasn't present.  
This was rectified a few seconds later when he suddenly 
popped into view, right on top of the game board.

	Rei blinked.  "Huh?"

	Setsuna sighed and explained the whole thing.

	"What a mess," Rei said.

	"Sorry about your game," Ryouga said, getting off 
the board.

	"Oh, don't worry about it.  Usagi was about to lose 
anyway," Rei said.

	"I was not," Usagi said.  "Has anyone got any good 
news at all?"

	"Hmm, this means Saotome can't steal my sandwiches 
any more," Ryouga said.  "That's good news."  Three women 
gazed death at him.  "Or maybe not."

	Usagi blinked.  "Oooh, I just had a great idea."

	"What?"

	"We could get Osaka-san to make us fake rainbow 
crystals.  They'd be great for a trap, or for bluffing 
Nephrite."

	"That's a good idea," Rei said.  "If we can afford 
it."

	"Oh, glass jewelry is pretty cheap," Usagi said.  "I 
think."  She got up.  "Why don't we go down and see about 
it?"

	"What are we going to tell her they're for, though?" 
Setsuna asked.

	"Rei can put a magic whammy on her so she doesn't 
ask."

	"I'm afraid that Shinto doesn't teach how to 
hypnotize jewellers, Usagi," Rei replied.  

	"Well, we can just say we want to make some costume 
jewelry and stuff.  And throw in some other gems so it 
isn't too obvious."

	Rei looked somewhat dubious, but she couldn't think 
of a better excuse.  "Hmm, that could work."

	"I hope so," she replied.  "Worth a shot, anyway."

*****************

	"I am not pleased with your failure to collect the 
Shadows, Nephrite," Beryl said to him.

	"Your highness, aren't the Crystals more important?" 
he replied.  "Of the six so far revealed, I have three, 
Tourmaline has secured one, and the Senshi only have two.  
Soon, I will secure a fifth, and then I will be ready to 
deal with the Senshi to get the other two.  Once we have 
the Crystal, we can resecure the Shadows at our leisure, 
now that we know where they are."

	"This is true," Beryl said.  "Alright, I will accept 
that argument for now."

	"It also might be possible to trade them Ruby in 
order to get the two remaining crystals.  They are 
blinded by such weaknesses as love, and would quite 
likely be foolish enough to fall for it."

	"I have found another use for him, although I 
believe we can keep that option open, should it be 
impossible to secure them by other means.  I would 
suggest setting your youma to finding out where the 
Senshi live."

	He nodded.  "Yes, my queen, I have a few good ideas 
for how to do that."

	"Then put them to work.  You are dismissed."

	"Yes, my Queen."  And he left.

	"Would you like to come out from where you have been 
lurking?" She said off to one of the corners of the room.

	Zoicite came out.  "Your majesty, Nephrite has been 
consorting with a mortal.  I fear he may betray us."

	"And I suspect you are exaggerating because you want 
his job.  But tell me more."

	"He has been seen quite a bit around a jewelry shop, 
and seems to have gone on 'dates' with its owner."

	Beryl frowned.  "This being?"

	"A place called 'Osa-P', run by a woman named 
'Osaka'.  Shall I kill her, my Queen?"

	"Not yet.  I will look into this.  For now, I 
suggest you attend to energy gathering to help revive 
Metallia, rather than spying on your fellow generals."

	"Yes, your Grace.  I will return at once."  And then 
he vanished.

	Beryl leaned back in her throne and frowned.  
Probably Nephrite was simply sating his bodily urges on 
this woman, but it was possible that something more could 
be going on.  She summoned Emerald.

	Emerald bowed to Beryl.  "Your highness, how may I 
be of service."

	"I have been informed that Nephrite has been seen in 
the company of a mortal."

	"I believe he is sating his lusts with a middle-aged 
woman and her teenage daughter, yes.  Also, I believe he 
intends to do something with her jewelry making skills."  
Emerald shook her head.  "He turned the woman into a 
youma during our last major operation; she did seem to 
have some potential."

	"And the daughter?"

	"I don't know," Emerald said.  "Would you like me to 
test her?"

	"Yes, I think it would be wise to test both of them.  
And keep an eye on what he is doing."

	"Yes, your highness."

	"What is your assessment of Nephrite's performance 
of his duties?"

	"He would make a better doormat than general."

	"He has had some success."

	"He typically fails to make very good use of us.  We 
ought to find the Senshi, then crush them in detail.  
Instead, we keep blundering into them when we try to get 
the Jewels.  I'm surprised we aren't all dead."

	She frowned.  "He hasn't been sending you away 
again, has he?"

	"No, but he hasn't used us very well, either."

	"I shall think about this."

	"As you wish, your highness."

	"You may leave now."

	Emerald bowed.  "As you wish."  And then she was 
gone.

	She summoned forth Tourmaline, who soon appeared.  
"How may I serve you, your Grace?" Tourmaline asked.

	"Congratulations on your securing of Gluttony and 
his crystal, Tourmaline.  And the capture of Ruby."

	"I could not have done it without the aid of my 
family, your highness," she said.  "What would you have 
of me now?"

	"To what do you attribute your total success?"

	"We work together well, and the vast majority of the 
Senshi were pinned down by Nephrite's operations in 
Tokyo.  Much as I'd like to claim brilliance, I must 
admit I faced minimal opposition."

	Beryl nodded.  "Then perhaps the key to success with 
this final crystal would lie in arranging for there to be 
minimal opposition."

	"Are you suggesting I run a fake operation to 
distract them away from Nephrite?"

	"Yes, exactly," Beryl said.  "Take some of your 
energy reserves and unleash some horde of something when 
Nephrite is ready to strike at the final Crystal.  If you 
can take down a sailor or two, that would be good, but 
mostly you just need to give them other things to think 
about."

	"As you command."

	"Then be to it at once."

	"I will do so."  And then Tourmaline vanished.

*************

	"There's a what?" Naru asked Umino.

	He leaned on the cash register table.  "Underwear 
thief.  A _woman_."

	"You're lying," Naru said.  "Women don't get that 
weird."

	"Definitely female.  There's a lot of conflicting 
reports as to what she looks like, but somewhere around 
our age."

	Naru made a face.  "Ugh."

	"Takes food too.  I hear she ate an entire barbeque 
feast by herself."

	"You are making things up."

	He shook his head.  "I kid you not."

	Naru shook her head.  "Are you sure about this?"

	"I'm sure," Umino replied.  

	"Well, we'll have to be careful, then," Naru said.  

	The front door of the shop opened, and Usagi, Rei, 
Setsuna, and Ryouga came in.  Naru waved hello.  "Hi, 
Usagi!"

	Ryouga began wandering around the shop, looking at 
jewelry.

	"Hiya, Naru-chan!"  Usagi glanced over at where Mrs. 
Osaka was busy helping a customer.  "Do you think your 
mom will be free any time soon?"

	"Oh, I'm sure she'll be done soon.  Going to 
commission something special?" Naru asked.

	"Yeah," Usagi said.  "Hey, Umino."

	"Hi, Usagi," he replied.  "Oh, hi, Rei.  I see you 
got back from your vacation."

	Rei sighed.  "Yeah, I'm back."

	"Didn't go so well?" he asked.

	"It sucked," Rei replied.  

	"Hello, Umino," Setsuna said.  

	"Hey.  I hear you and Ryouga got engaged."

	"Against our will," Setsuna said.

	"Oh.  Well, I'm sorry for you, then.  And you two, 
Rei.  I guess I shouldn't mention my summer's been pretty 
good except for my girlfriend leaving town for a 
vacation."

	"You have a girlfriend?" Naru asked dubiously.

	"Well, sort of girlfriend.  It's moving along.  I 
came here to try and find something nice for her."  He 
paused.  "Oh, you'd better keep your eyes open.  There's 
a freaky woman stealing people's food and underwear in 
town."

	"..."

	"Yeah, no one can agree on exactly how old she is, 
but she makes off with underwear and food.  And I hear 
she's a pretty good martial artist, too."

	Usagi frowned.  "A martial artist, eh?"

	"Yeah.  Master Li down at the Sea Breeze Dojo tried 
to stop her stealing his wife's underwear, and got his 
butt kicked.  She attacks people with ribbons and stuff."

	"Could be another martial gymnast," Usagi 
speculated.

	"Sounds like a freak," Rei said.

	"Well, hopefully, the police will deal with it," 
Setsuna said.  "Although I sense someone is thinking 
about finding this person herself."

	Usagi nodded.  "It takes a martial artist to catch a 
martial artist."

	"At least it's not another monster attack," Naru 
said.

	"It could be a monster who gathers energy from 
people's underwear," Umino said.

	Everyone stared at him.

	"Or maybe not," he concluded.

****************

	Mrs. Osaka cuddled up to her lover, feeling all of 
her nervous tensions wash away.  "Yes, it’s been a busy 
day for me too.  I should be able to get you a little 
better deal on those duplicates you wanted made.  Turns 
out a friend of my daughter is also wanting some fake 
gems, and they look to be very similar to the ones you 
want, so with a larger order, we should get you both a 
larger price."

	Nephrite’s eyes widened slightly.  "Oh really?  Does 
her family collect gems?"

	"She picked up the originals in China," Mrs. Osaka 
replied.  "I was just amazed that they looked so much 
like yours."

	This could be a coincidence, but I think I’ve just 
gotten very lucky, Nephrite thought.  "I’d be curious to 
meet her some time then.  I’d be interested in learning 
more about her gems."

	"I can give you the phone number later," Mrs. Osaka 
said.  "I think she lives at the Hikawa Shrine, but I 
couldn’t swear to that."

	"I’d appreciate that," he said.  He glanced out the 
window of his car.  "I believe we’ve reached the 
theatre."

	"I hope Naru doesn’t get too bored at home."

	"I’m sure she’ll be fine," he said, then found a 
place to park.  Letting his body and mouth go into 
autopilot, he began laying his plans.

*************

	Naru laughed at the show on her TV.  "I can’t 
believe she told him that."

	"I can," Rei said.  "She’s a complete idiot."

	"Me neither," Usagi said.  "Hmm, we need more 
popcorn."

	"I’ll make some more," Naru said, getting off the 
couch and heading for the kitchen.

	When she opened the kitchen door, she thought she 
heard movement, which turned out to be the case.  There 
was a young girl with short brown hair, wearing a pink 
martial arts uniform and a red ribbon in her hair.  She 
was busily stripping the kitchen of canned goods into a 
sack.  

	Naru crept back to the living room, and said to 
Usagi softly, "There’s a girl in the kitchen stealing all 
our food.  Maybe it’s the person Umino was talking 
about."

	"Rei, I suggest you go make sure someone isn’t 
raiding the underwear too.  I’ll see about this person," 
Usagi whispered to Rei.

	Rei nodded and crept off towards the bedroom, while 
Usagi headed to the kitchen.  The girl was now busy 
grabbing bread and chips to add to her horde in the bag.  
Usagi levelled her staff at the girl.  "Robbing people is 
dishonorable!  I challenge you to single combat!"

	The girl turned with a donut in her mouth, staring 
in shock.  Then she gulped it down and said, "Grandpa 
says robbing the rich to give to yourself is the highest 
honor there is!"

	"Naru’s not exactly rich," Usagi replied.  "And 
that’s not even true!  And your grandfather is a very bad 
man, making little girls go rob for him."

	"I am not a little girl!" the girl announced, then 
got into a fighting stance.  "And I’m not afraid of you!"

	Usagi recognized the stance; it was one of Ranma’s 
usual stances.  I wonder who trained her, she thought.  
Usagi then charged, leaping up onto a counter, and 
bouncing off the wall to come down from above and right 
of the girl.

	The girl backflipped out of the way, and Usagi’s 
staff blow came down on the sink, nearly smashing some 
dirty dishes.  I need more open space, Usagi thought.

	Usagi drove the girl back across the kitchen and out 
the door into the living room, then out onto the balcony.  
The child continued to give ground; Usagi felt a little 
bad about attacking someone so much younger than her, but 
Usagi needed to catch her, so she couldn’t do this again.  

	The child then impressed Usagi with a nice leap off 
the railing up onto the roof.  Usagi followed her, and 
found herself face to face with two more girls.  One of 
them was around Usagi’s own age, tall and dark haired, 
clad in blue with her hair tightly bound into a long 
ponytail in back which arched upwards before falling 
down.  She was armed with a whip.  The other was a twelve 
year old with short black hair, wearing a very loose gi.  
"Natsumi, this old lady is after me!" the pink-clad girl 
said.

	"Kurumi, I’m sure you could beat her all by 
yourself," Natsumi said.

	"It was too cramped to fight," Kurumi replied.

	"Are you three some kind of girl gang?" Usagi asked.

	"We’re a family," Natsumi said.  "Come on, Kurumi, 
if you don’t beat her, Hotaru and I will have to eat all 
your food."

	A light of burning passion ignited in Kurumi’s eyes.  
"You can’t HAVE MY FOOD!"  She leaped at Usagi.  

	Usagi parried her first attack with ease, but the 
fury of the assaults drove her back towards the edge of 
the roof.  So she vaulted over Kurumi with the help of 
her staff, but as she did so, Kurumi whipped off her hair 
ribbon and twirled it at her.  To Usagi’s embarrassment, 
she got her feet tangled in it and fell to the roof top 
hard.

	As she tried to disentangle herself, Kurumi came 
down on her hard.  She finally got herself to her feet, 
fighting back as best she could.  Managing to sweep 
Kurumi’s feet, she then gave Kurumi a beating like the 
one she’d just recieved.

	Kurumi managed to roll away from her and get 
standing, and unleashed another attack with her ribbon, 
spiraling it like a funnel.  The ribbon felt strangely 
cold when it struck Usagi.

	Usagi parried with her staff, only to get it 
wrenched away from her by Kurumi.  This gave her the 
opening she needed to get in close and personal again, 
grabbing the ribbon out of Kurumi’s hands and unleashing 
a hail of blows.  

	And then she heard Rei and Naru shouting, and 
looking down, she saw them both chasing a wrinkly old 
dwarf down the street; he had a huge bag of underwear on 
his back.  The distraction was enough for Kurumi to get 
in a powerful blow to Usagi’s chest which sent her flying 
off the roof.

	By the time she got back up on the roof, all three 
of the girls had vanished.  Picking up her staff, Usagi 
decided to go help her friends.  They were trudging back.  
"We lost him," Naru grumbled.

	"There’s three of them," Usagi said.  "The women, 
that is."

	"Just one of the old freak," Rei said.  "He managed 
to take my bra out of my shirt with just a gesture!  
Freak!"

	"Oh, that’s an easy trick," Usagi said.  "See, you 
just...hey, my bra is gone!"

	"We have to catch these people," Rei said.

	"Exactly."

****************

	"She’s dating Gosunkugi?" Naoko asked Minako.

	"Yeah.  It’s driving her partner nuts, which I think 
is why she’s doing it," Minako replied.  "Oh, and Ranma 
got kidnapped by the Dark Kingdom!"

	"That’s horrible," Naoko replied.  "Do we have a 
plan to rescue him yet?"

	"Not yet, but we’re hoping we can find the last 
crystal soon, and then get the others and make the Silver 
Crystal.  Then we can beat down Beryl upside her head and 
get Ranma back."

	"How are Usagi and Rei taking it?"

	"They’re pretty shaken up," Minako replied.  "So how 
was your vacation?"

	"Not too exciting," Naoko replied.  "I’m glad to be 
back."

	"I’m glad you’re back too.  Konatsu and I haven’t 
had much to do besides play Scrabble all day and go out 
with Tsubasa."  She paused.  "Well, I went out with 
Tsubasa.  I don’t _think_ he’s dating Konatsu too.  
Although he is helping Tsubasa build a Godzilla suit for 
some contest."

	"That should be interesting to see," Naoko said.

	"Oh, let me tell you all about the festival..."

****************

	Happousai wallowed through the haul of the night 
while his three ‘granddaughters’ sat and ate some of the 
other loot.  "Now, Kurumi, you’ve got to learn to fight 
harder," he said.

	"I’m sorry, grandfather," she said.  "She was really 
good."

	"But you did bring me her bra, so I forgive you," 
Happousai replied.  He rubbed the soft white cloth 
against his face.  "Mmm, so much power in this one."

	"I know," Kurumi said, as she alternated between 
carefully folding sets of panties and eating soup.  "The 
underwear just throbs with power in this city."

	"Are we really going to finally settle down and 
rebuild your dojo, Grandpa?" Hotaru asked.

	"Just as soon as I figure out some way to get the 
wood and nails."

	"We could run a noodle shop again," Kurumi said, her 
eyes gleaming.

	"We went bankrupt last time because you ate half the 
noodles," Natsumi pointed out.

	"We could open a lingerie store," Hotaru suggested. 

	"Sell my precious silky darlings?" Happousai said.  
"NEVER!"

	"We could chop down the trees with our martial arts 
and make the lumber ourselves," Kurumi said.

	"Hmm, good idea," Happousai said.  "We’ll start on 
that tomorrow."

****************

	"Yes, I could scan for them, Usagi, but then I’d 
have to either stop the other searches or slow them down 
even more," Ami said to Usagi.

	Usagi frowned.  "Well...I guess this isn’t as 
important."

	"We’ll just have to do this the old fashioned way," 
Shampoo said.  "Shampoo has a clever plan." 

****************

	"You’re picking up what?" Nephrite asked.

	"The scanning lattice is detecting an odd energy 
build up out in this forest," Iron replied, pointing to a 
pinging dot on the lattice.  An image appeared in the air 
of a forest seen from high above it.  "It would appear 
there is some growing source of energy here."

	"Hmm, it could be one of Tourmaline’s operations, or 
possibly something from Kunzite and Zoicite.  Take 
Sandstone and Silicon and see what it is."

	"Yes, sir," he replied, then headed off to find the 
others.

	Nephrite now turned himself to casting a horoscope.  
The air above him shimmered, and the image of a perverted 
looking old man wallowing in underwear appeared.  
Nephrite grimaced.  Delightful, he thought.  Just what we 
need for Lust.  

	He summoned up Greed.  "Hey, boss, look at these 
rare stamps!  It’s a 1906 Bicycle stamp!"

	"It’s been cancelled, making the value go down," 
Nephrite said. 

	"Dammit!"  He sighed.  "You want it, then?"

	"Sure," Nephrite said; he took it and pocketed it, 
not mentioning he could easily remove the cancellation 
marks, restoring its value.  "Greed, I need you to go 
investigate this man."

	"Ugh.  Please tell me he’s wealthy and I can rob him 
blind."

	"Not unless he’s got some rare underwear in that 
pile."

	"Hmm, well, if it’s used, it might sell well in some 
shops..."

	Nephrite made a face.  "Just go find him and report 
back so I know what to expect."

	"Okay," he said, and took off.

	Nephrite then sent a message to Tourmaline, who soon 
arrived.  "I assume you wish to coordinate our plan?"

	He nodded.  "I have my people investigating the next 
Shadow.  He..."

	Tourmaline saw the image floating in the air, which 
Nephrite suddenly realized he’d forgotten to dispel.  Her 
eyes narrowed.  "That’s him."

	"Eh?"

	"He’s the one who banished us to the Dark Kingdom."

	"What, this pathetic perv..."

	A somewhat attractive blue-clad woman who moved with 
the grace of a warrior now came into the image.  She and 
the old man began haggling with each other over 
underwear.

	Nephrite twitched.  "Conquering this planet will be 
a mercy to the universe."

	"Yes, it’s him.  I’m sure of it.  Would you be 
willing to consider switching jobs for this one?  I’d 
like to deal with this old man myself."

	Nephrite raised an eyebrow.  "You are not happy with 
what he did?"

	"He could easily have killed us instead of sending 
us to our destiny," Tourmaline said hastily.  "And he 
seperated us from Amethyst for a decade."

	"Best you stay out of this, then.  Personal feelings 
get in the way of efficient performance.  So, is the 
diversion ready?"

	"I had to abandon my original plan when I discovered 
Ranma had been sent for special modification.  However, I 
believe I now have another plan.  I will need a few days 
to set everything up."

	"Make it quick.  I want to strike before the Senshi 
can find him."

	"I understand completely."


****************

	"Would you like me to stay with you tonight, Rei-
chan?" Usagi asked Rei.

	"Yes, please," Rei replied.  "I don’t want to be 
alone."

	Usagi hopped up onto the bed, curling her arms 
around Rei and burrowing into the sheets.  "Don’t worry, 
Rei, we’ll get Ranma back soon."

	"He won’t be ours even if we do," Rei said softly.  

	"Oh, where there’s life, there’s hope," Usagi 
replied, kissing her on the cheek.  "Do you want to help 
Shampoo and I with our big plan tomorrow?  Or are you 
going to stay here and help out Grandpa?"

	"I’m going to help out Grandpa," Rei said.  "And 
Nodoka-san wants me to train with her."

	"Oooh, going to learn swordsmanship?"

	"Yes.  Nodoka-san is very good with a sword."

	"Well, I’ll miss you, but Grandpa always needs more 
help," Usagi said, then yawned.  "I sleep now."

	"Goodnight, Usagi."

	Usagi answered with a snore.

**************

	The more freaks and whackos Usagi had to deal with 
over the course of the day, the more she wondered if 
Shampoo’s idea of pushing a lingerie cart around the city 
was a really good idea for how to trap the underwear 
thieves.

	A balding man in a suit asked Shampoo, "Are these 
fresh or used?"

	"Only used on Sundays by a little old lady," Shampoo 
said.  "For seducing dragons."

	The man backed up, looked at her nervously, then 
quickly walked away.

	Shampoo sighed.  "Shampoo beginning to think Usagi’s 
idea of a food cart was better."

	"Where are they?" Usagi asked the universe at large.  
It didn’t answer.

************

	Hotaru aimed a series of precision blows at the log, 
which quickly fell apart into a series of long planks, 
which she then chopped into appropriate lengths.  
Happousai sat on a stump, whittling pegs.  "I told you 
all Martial Arts Carpentry would come in useful."

	Natsumi scribbled on paper.  "Are you sure we’ll 
need a five story building?" 

	"Of course I’m sure," Happousai said.  "One floor 
for us.  One for the silky darlings.  Another two for 
students to stay in, and one for practice."  He paused.  
"We’ll need a diving board for the panty storage level."

	"Can we have a swimming pool in the backyard?" 
Hotaru asked.

	Kurumi said, "We need another floor just for food!"

	Perhaps she’ll get a proper panty obsession when she 
grows up more, Happousai thought.  This food obsession is 
not healthy.  

	"See, here’s where the kitchen and pantry goes," 
Natsumi said, pointing to the plans.

	Kurumi said, "I’ll need a bigger freezer."

	"I just want a nice soft bed," Hotaru said.

	"See, here’s the bedrooms, and the bathrooms are 
here and..."

	Soon, they all crowded around to make comments on 
the plans.  Hotaru smiled at all of them.  I love my 
family, she thought.  I hope we can all be together 
forever.	

************

	"Okay, Setsuna, if you can go fetch me some more 
bandages," Dr. Tofu said to her, "I’d appreciate it.  And 
Ryouga, if you’ll hold this leg up for me."

	Ryouga held the leg up in the air while Dr. Tofu 
quietly chatted with the middle aged jogger who lay on 
the table.  

	Lost in thought, Setsuna headed for the closet on 
instinct.  However, when she went into it, she somehow 
found herself in a busy bazaar in a place which looked 
rather Middle-Eastern.  Then there was a flash of light, 
and she found herself standing on the patient’s stomach, 
right next to Ryouga.  She blinked, the patient moaned, 
and Dr. Tofu asked, "How did you get up there?"

	She mumbled an apology, ran to the closet, got the 
bandages and came back.  This is NOT good, she thought.


************

	"Oh yes, marrying into the family does bring you 
under our curse, so as you get closer to the time of the 
wedding, you’ll gradually fall under it, your grandmother 
says," Mr. Hibiki said, standing by Grandother Hibiki’s 
bed.

	I hate my life, Setsuna thought.  "But I don’t WANT 
to marry Ryouga."

	"You can’t escape destiny and the curse knows that.  
Better than any mortal."

	I can’t even run away without Ryouga following me, 
Setsuna thought.  The Dark Kingdom has my love, I’m 
chained to Ryouga, and now I’m going to start getting 
lost all the time.  This can’t get any worse.

	Ryouga stuck his head out of the kitchen.  "We’re 
having Mom’s chili tonight!"

	Grandmother Hibiki paled.  Mr. Hibiki paled.  
Setsuna said, "Tell her Grandmother says that Chili gives 
her gas!"

	Grandmother said something inaudible. Mr. Hibiki 
says, "It makes children starve in India too."

	Ryouga stuck his head back in the kitchen.  He stuck 
his head out again.  "She says it’s that or her patented 
Spam surprise."

	"Hibiki family custom requires seppuku after someone 
serves them spam!" Mr. Hibiki shouted.

	Ryouga stuck his head in the kitchen for a minute, 
then stuck it out, "Mom says she’ll compromise and make 
her special Spam Chili."

	Setsuna got up off the couch.  "I’ll cook."

	"Bless you, Setsuna," Mr. Hibiki said.  "You’ll be a 
good wife to Ryouga one day."

	Setsuna winced.  Not the praise she wanted to hear.

**************

	Usagi leaned against the cart, and sighed.  They’d 
wasted the day, Ranma was kidnapped, Ami kept saying 
she’d have scanning results for the next jewel ‘any day 
now’, but wasn’t producing anything, and in all, she felt 
like everything was just going wrong.

	Shampoo sat down as well.  "Shampoo thinks we’ve met 
every freak in Tokyo."

	Then a flashbulb went off; it was Umino.  "Hey, I 
didn’t know you sold underwear, Usagi."

	"We’re trying to trap the underwear thieves."

	"Not having much luck?" Umino asked.

	"No luck at all."

	"Well, good luck.  Maybe you should try modeling 
some of it to attract the thieves."

	Shampoo glared at him.

	"And maybe I should go away before I say anything 
too stupid to survive.  Bye!"  He ran off.  

	Shampoo waited until he was gone, then said, "It may 
be that they only strike at night."

	Usagi sighed. "So we’ll keep going into the night?"

	"Yes."

	"Ugh."

************

	Mikado sat in a shadowy part of the stands, watching 
Makoto try to teach Gosunkugi to ice skate.  He was 
managing to stand up and move a little, but not much 
else.  How can she do this to me? He asked himself.  
We’re partners!  And now she’s trying to train this 
freakish loser to replace me!  

	His fists clenched.  I have to do something about 
this.

	A shadow fell across him, and a woman said, 
"Sanzenin Mikado, I presume?"

	He looked up at the well-dressed woman in a green 
business suit-dress.  Her long red hair was piled up into 
a bun in the back, and she wore sun-glasses.  "Yes, I 
am."

	"I understand this evil sorceror, Gosunkugi, has 
stolen away your partner from you."

	"Yes," he said.  "I can’t see how else a little runt 
like that could get a woman as magnificent as her to 
smile at him."  He stared down at the two of them.  She 
was clapping her hands as he made a clumsy turn at one 
end of the arena and skated back to her.  

	"And it couldn’t have anything to do with him not 
being an asshole," the woman muttered.

	"What?  I didn’t quite hear you."  He turned back to 
her.

	"I’m agent Ayaka of the Bureau of Uncovering Evil 
Sorcery.  If you’ll come with me, I believe we can help 
you with this problem."

	"You can?  That would be great!"  He flashed her his 
best smile.  "I would be quite...grateful."

	And quite inadequate, she thought.  "Very good, then 
come with me."
	
************

 	Feldspar stared at the ring in surprise.  "Why, 
thank you, Umino-kun."

	He smiled at her.  "You’re welcome.  Have you been 
having a good summer vacation?"

	She put the silver ring on and admired it in the 
light.  "Pretty good.  Qu...Mother’s boss complimented me 
and my sisters."

	"That’s always good," he said.  He looked around.  
"I wonder if monsters ate our waitress."

	"I didn’t send any to do that," she said.  "But 
perhaps...oh."

	Umino laughed.  "You’re such a kidder, Akiko.  I 
like that."

	She blushed a little.  "Thank you.  I like how smart 
you are."

	Now it was his turn to blush.  "Thank you.  So how 
did my cousin meet you, anyway?"

	"Work."  She paused.  "I sometimes do security stuff 
for my sister because I’m a martial artist."

	"I wish I knew how to fight."

	"Well, it’s important to be smart too.  Mom’s a 
scientist."

	"Cool.  Has she invented anything neat?"

	Nothing I can tell you about, Feldspar thought.  
Where is that waitress, anyway?  "Nothing I understand."

	"Do you do any kind of competitive martial arts?" 
Umino asked.  "I mean, do you compete in competitions?"

	"Sometimes," she said.  "Not recently."

	"Well, if you ever do, I’d like to come see it."

	"I’ll be sure to invite you," Feldspar said.  

	The date lasted most of the evening, and was quite 
enjoyable for both of them.  After she went home, 
Feldspar checked the testing crystal she’d hidden in her 
purse.  If she understood it correctly, he was a 
completely normal human with no special powers 
whatsoever.  

 	She frowned.  She’d been hoping he would be a Dark 
Kingdom reincarnate.  That way she could awaken his 
memories and make him one of theirs and be able to date 
him openly.  While she could turn him into a youma, he 
likely would never be anything but cannon fodder.  But 
she liked him.  She wanted to be able to tell him the 
truth, to recruit him to their side.  But she didn’t know 
how he would react.  She did know lots of other people 
would whisper all sorts of nasty things about her.  They 
wouldn't understand why she thought he was special or how 
he was different from the human cattle they would soon 
conquer and rule.  

 	Feldspar had never been one to bow to public 
opinion, but she wasn’t sure if this would be a good idea 
or not, to buck it like this.  But she would have to make 
up her mind soon.
	
	She plopped down on her bed and stared at the 
ceiling.  This stinks, she thought.

	Tourmaline came in the door.  "You ready for 
tomorrow?"

	"Do I HAVE to dress like a guy?"

	"Yes," Tourmaline replied.  "It’s supposed to be 
mixed couples martial skating, so..."

	"Can’t Amethyst be the woman?  Or we could get Daddy 
to do it."

	"Daddy on ice is a recipe for utter, abject 
disaster."

	Feldspar sighed.  "I guess a panda would look too 
weird."

	"We might as well run up a flag to our enemies 
saying ‘Here we are!’ if we did that.  And Amethyst can’t 
pass believably as a man."

	"And I can???"

	"Yes."

	Feldspar grumbled, "Umino doesn’t think I look like 
a man."

	"Oh, how did it go with him, hmmm?" Tourmaline 
asked, coming in and closing the door.  "You two kiss 
yet?"

	Feldspar blushed.  "No.  But he gave me a nice 
ring."  She held it up.

	"Man, he’s serious.  Do you like him?"

	"Yes," Feldspar said.  "He’s a goof, but...well, he 
makes me laugh, and he’s very kind to me, and he’s so 
smart."

	"How did the test come out?"

	She sighed.  "Utterly mundane.  If we turn him, 
he’ll never be more than cannon fodder."

	"Well, it doesn’t take a lot of personal power to do 
Mom’s work. He could always work for her, where he’d have 
access to power batteries and stuff.  And it sounds like 
the kind of work he’d want, anyway."

	"People will talk."

	"Like you care."

	Feldspar sat up.  "That’s true.  If people don’t 
like it, it doesn’t matter."  She looked over at 
Tourmaline.  "So is there anyone you like?"

	"Well..."  She stared at the floor.  "I..."

	"You don’t have to talk about it," Feldspar said.

	"I was starting to get kind of a...a thing for 
Jadeite before he died."

	Feldspar winced.  "I’m sorry.  We don’t have to talk 
about it."

	Tourmaline came over and sat down next to Feldspar.  
"No, I haven’t really been able to talk to anyone about 
it.  You know how hung up he’s been on Eowyn all these 
millenia.  I think, towards the end, I was starting to 
break through to him.  To get him to finally move on.  He 
was just so... and then he just went suicidal and 
provoked that final confrontation with the Senshi.  And I 
couldn’t save him."

	Feldspar put an arm around her sister.  "I know you 
did your best."

	"Best wasn’t good enough."

	"Best is all you can ever do," Feldspar said.  "I 
guess it’ll take you a while to get over him."

	"Yeah."  She sighed.  "You’re a good sister, 
Feldspar."

	"And so are you."

	She got up.  "I’ve got to go.  Lots of work to do."

	"Well, I’ll be ready in the morning for our big 
plan.  Male clothing and all."  She made a face.

	"See you then."

************

	Makoto blinked. "You brought your fanclub to see us 
practice?" 

	Mikado said, "It’s not like we haven’t skated for 
audiences before."

	"True.  It’s just...oh, never mind," she said.  "You 
said you found another pair for us to practice against?"
	
	"Yes," he said.  "Sana and Yukito are their names, I 
think."

	Sana and Yukito skated out onto the ice.  Sana had 
long red hair done up like Makoto’s, and was tall and 
muscular, while Yukito was short and black haired, 
dressed in rather heavy clothing.  "Yo, we ready to go?" 
Yukito demanded.

	"Let’s go," Mikado said.  He took Makoto by the 
hand, and they charged at their foes.  He hefted Makoto 
and passed the other couple to the left, so she could 
take a kick at Sana as they went by.

	Sana managed to just barely duck under the blow, and 
lifted her partner off the ground, spinning to slam 
Yukito’s feet into Mikado’s rear, nearly sending him 
sprawling.

	Instead, he managed to smoothly turn, avoiding 
crashing into a wall, and then he and Makoto moved in for 
another attack.  "Just imagine where you’d be if you were 
doing this with that boy," he said to Makoto.

	"Is someone jealous?" Makoto asked as they sped up 
to launch another attack.  

	Sana and Yukito made a break to the right, then 
suddenly leaped in the air and spun to present their 
backs to Makoto and Mikado, both of them then kicking 
upwards as they did so.

	Makoto managed to parry the kick at her, while 
Mikado got a bruise on his arm when his parry didn’t go 
so well.  They peeled off to one side.  "I am not 
jealous.  He’s too ugly and weak for me to be jealous."

	"He also kisses better than you."

	"That’s impossible!" Mikado said.  

	Gosunkugi sat in the stands, watching the match, but 
unable to hear any of them talking.  Something was 
starting to make him nervous, though.  Maybe it was the 
way some of the members of Mikado’s fanclub had very 
obsessive looks on their face.  Maybe it was the weird 
banging noises coming from the direction of the closed 
concession stand.  Maybe it was the feeling he’d seen 
Sana and Yukito somewhere before.  

	Then he heard a panda roar angrily from the 
direction of the concession stand.  He got up and went to 
take a look, and saw a demonic panda trashing the 
concession stand, trying to find food.  Gluttony, he 
thought.  If I remember what Rei told us.  And if 
Gluttony is here...

	He got out his communicator.  Time to get help.

************

	As Mercury, Luna, Moon, Shampoo, and Mars ran along 
towards the stadium, Mercury’s computer pinged.  "Target 
located.  Seventh Crystal located at the ruins of the 
Tendo Dojo," it announced.

	Luna blinked.  "At the Dojo?"

	Moon sighed.  "We’re going to have to split our 
forces.  Half of us need to go to the dojo, the other 
half to see about capturing Gluttony.  Maybe...maybe 
we’ll be lucky and they’ll have Ranma there."

	"Who goes where?" Shampoo asked.

	"Well, we’ll have to call everyone to let them know, 
but Mars, Mercury, you two will head with Luna to help 
deal with Gluttony.  I’ll call Neptune to back you up.  
With Opal and Jupiter, that should be easily enough to 
take him out.  Meanwhile, Shampoo, you’re coming with me.  
And I’ll call in Uranus and Tuxedo Mask to back us up.  
And Pluto and Ryouga, since she can’t get away from 
Ryouga."  She frowned.  "I wish Ukyou wasn’t in Osaka.  
And Ranma..."  She sighed.  "Well, we do what we can.  
Oh!  And we need to call Minako and Naoko.  And I never 
did find out if Tuxedo Mask talked to Tsubasa or not.  I 
think we’d better take Venus as well."

	"Right," Mars said.

	"Mars, you’re in charge of the operation against 
Gluttony.  Good luck."
	
	"He’s not very smart, so I’m sure we’ll do fine," 
Mars said.  "Let’s go, everyone."

************

	Happousai popped up onto Kurumi’s shoulder.  "The 
hammering goes faster if you use a hammer instead of your 
fists."

	"But isn’t that cheating?"

	"Anything that makes for less work isn’t cheating."

	"Oh, okay!"  She paused.  "Do we have any hammers?"

	He blinked. "Oh, right, I’ll go get us some."

	There were few things Happousai enjoyed more than 
shopping with a five finger discount, except perhaps 
smoking and wallowing in a large pile of silky elegance.  
He got out his pipe and lit up as he started towards the 
fence around the burnt out lot.  His three 
‘granddaughters’ were hard at work building their new 
dojo.  It was time for him to settle down; he simply had 
too much underwear to want to move it around the country 
constantly.

	The hairs on the sides of his head began to prickle.  
Someone...many someones, were coming.  Their chi was 
strong.  For just a moment, he wondered if the Tendos had 
found some way back from wherever he’d sent them, but 
then he dismissed the thought.  "We’re in trouble," he 
said to his granddaughters.  "Get ready for a fight."

	They all got into combat stances.  And then a large 
van drove up, and thirteen men and women piled out.  He 
could feel the power in all of them.  Especially the 
tall, long-haired brunet male in a gray uniform.  
Happousai was torn between one set of instincts which 
said for him to run far away, and another set, which 
demanded he stay and defend his silky darlings.

	While he hesitated, the man walked up to him.  "So, 
you are the last of the Shadows."

	"Look, pretty boy, if you think you’re taking my 
underwear collection, you’re a fool!  I am the grand 
master of Anything Goes Martial Arts.  You cannot defeat 
me and my granddaughters."  Happousai blew a smoke ring 
in the man’s face.  "But if you go away, I won’t hurt 
you."

	The man held up a black crystal.  Happousai could 
see many, many facets, all of them showing panties.  The 
crystal had underwear in it!  "Now, I will unleash your 
true..."

	Happousai leaped up and hooked the crystal with his 
pipe.  "Whatever.  Don’t let the gate hit you on the way 
out."  He began shaking the crystal to try to get the 
panties out.

	A green-haired woman began laughing at the man.  
"Nice job there, Nephrite."

	"Shut up, Emerald."  The man pointed at Happousai.  
"Give that to me!"

	"No, it’s mine," Happousai said.  "Grabbers’ 
Keepers."  He turned his back on Nephrite and began 
heading over to his granddaughters.  "Natsumi, do you 
think you can figure out how to get the panties out of 
this thing?"

	Kurumi looked at it.  "It’s got food in it, not 
panties!"

	"Edible Panties," Happousai thought, drooling 
slightly.

	Nephrite had enough; he fired an energy blast at 
Happousai.  Before it hit, Happousai and all three women 
were in the air at once.  One of them held a coin towards 
him, and shouted something about a hundred yen attack, 
then began draining his life force.  The other two spun a 
ribbon and a whip in unison, forming some sort of vortex 
which blasted him across the lot and into the fence.  He 
could see the first girl growing taller and older as she 
drank deeply of his power, and to his shock, he saw the 
sign of Saturn shining from her brow.  For a moment, he 
felt abject terror.

	Then Emerald started shouting orders.  The Dirty 
Dozen all transformed and charged into the attack, 
shelling the leaping women with their powers.  Happousai 
dropped down next to Nephrite, then casually reached out 
with his pipe and hooked a sleeve, then tossed Nephrite 
several blocks down the street.

	Emerald formed a blade of green fire and turned to 
face Happousai.  "I see you are a worthy opponent," she 
said to Happousai, then suddenly found his face buried in 
her bosom.  

	"Sweeto!  I see you have worthy breasts!"

	A burst of abject rage washed over her, and she 
began to pound him with her fists, trying to get him out 
of her clothing.  "Damn you, old man!"

	He made fake teary eyes.  "Would you strip an old 
man of his few remaining pleasures?"

	"GET OFF ME!"  Emerald had little luck with this, 
however.

	Natsume, Hotaru, and Kurumi fought desperately, but 
they were simply outnumbered and outgunned, each having 
to try to fight four youma at once.  They would have soon 
gone down, except...

	"Attacking innocent girls and a helpless old man 
isn’t every nice!  Even if they’re trespassing!  I am the 
lovely sailor-suited soldier, Sailor Moon, and in the 
name of the Moon, I’m going to kick your ass!" Sailor 
Moon announced.

	"That should be ‘punish you in the name of the 
moon’," Artemis pointed out helpfully.

	"Whatever!"

	The youma failed to notice the speech at all, and 
Emerald was too busy trying to get Happousai off her to 
care.  Kurumi did notice enough to say, "Oh wow, Sailor 
Venus is here!"

	In fact, Venus, Moon, Pluto, Ryouga, Shampoo, 
Uranus, Prudence, and Tuxedo Mask were all perched up on 
posts of the fence around the abandoned lot.  Sailor Moon 
said, "Should I repeat my...HEY, those are the underwear 
thieves!"

	"We only take from the rich and give to ourselves!" 
Kurumi said.  "We’re not thieves!"

	"Those three girls are underwear thieves?" Uranus 
asked in disbelief.  "They’re too cute."

	"Venus, Pluto, Uranus, Prudence, shell the youma!  
Shampoo, Ryouga, we’re taking down the thieves!  Tuxedo 
Mask, pitch in wherever you’re needed!"  Sailor Moon took 
her staff and vaulted towards Kurumi, wanting a rematch.  
Shampoo headed for Natsumi, bonbori in hand.  Venus, 
Uranus, and Pluto opened fire on the tightly packed 
youma. 

	Ryouga said, "But I don’t like fighting girls!" 

	Moon sighed.  "Tuxedo Mask, you take care of the 
third one!"

	"But I don’t like fighting girls either!" Tuxedo 
Mask proclaimed.

	"Fine, I’ll fight her while you idiots go play in 
the corner," Uranus said, charging towards Hotaru, who 
turned and blasted her with a huge blast of stolen chi.  
Uranus went flying, then scraped herself off the ground.  
"Just do something, you two!"

	Ryouga plowed into the youma.  Tuxedo Mask looked 
around and assessed the situation, then spotted that the 
withered old man was holding an evil looking crystal.  
It’s probably controlling him, Tuxedo Mask thought.  He 
hurled a rose and sent the crystal flying out of the old 
man’s hands.

	"No, you can’t take my panties!" the old man 
shouted, and charged after it.  

	The woman teleported and got there first, picking it 
up.  "And now for you, old man!  BECOME THE SEVENTH 
SHADOW!"

	She pointed the crystal at Happousai.  Nothing 
happened.  She stared in confusion.

	"There aren’t any panties inside me, though I wish 
there were!"  Happousai said, grabbing the gem away from 
her."

	"But...but...why didn’t it work?" Emerald asked in 
confusion.

	"Did you expect me to explode, showering yummy candy 
everywhere or something?" Happousai asked.

	"No, the seventh rainbow crystal was supposed to 
come out of you!"

	"Hmm, would that be a violet gemstone?"

	"Yes!"

	"Oh, I think I hocked it to buy sake and tobacco a 
long time ago."

	"..."

	"I remember the day I got really sick to my stomach 
and coughed that thing up.  Boy, I was surprised.  I 
didn’t even remember eating it."

	"..."

	Happousai scratched his back with his pipe.  "Yes, 
those were the days long ago."  He frowned slightly.  
"You know, I keep thinking I used to be taller back 
then."

	"Let me guess, you’re already the Seventh Shadow, 
Lust, right?"

	"My name is Happousai!  But if you want me THAT 
badly..."  Sproing, Happousai leaped onto Emerald’s 
chest, leading her to scream bloody murder once more.


************

	Mercury kneeled behind a bench and scanned the 
panda.  "That’s Gluttony, alright."

	"I wonder where Amethyst and Feldspar and Tourmaline 
are," Mars whispered.

	Then there was a scream from the ice rink.  Mars 
frowned.  "Neptune, Opal, you go investigate."

	"Hai," Neptune said.  She and Opal crept through the 
rink and got a good view of the main arena.  The fanclub 
had all turned into zombies and were after Jupiter, along 
with Mikado, Feldspar, and Amethyst.  Fortunately, most 
of the fanclub couldn’t skate very well.

	"Feldspar is controlling the zombies," Opal realized 
after a little concentration.  "Take her down and they’ll 
go out of action."

	"Okay, I just need a clean shot..."  Her finger 
began tracking Feldspar.

	"It’s also important to blast Mikado, as he’s 
obviously evil," Opal said.

	"Nice try," Neptune replied.

	Jupiter managed a sharp turn at the wall, and began 
pouring on the speed, trying to get some room to 
manuever.  Mikado easily made the turn to chase after 
her, but Feldspar and Amethyst both slammed into the 
wall, losing ground.

	"SUPREME THUNDER!" Jupiter shouted, blowing Mikado 
off his feet with a lightning blast as she skated 
backwards.  

	Neptune now took her shot.  "DEEP SUBMERGE!"  That 
blew Amethyst and Feldspar off their feet.  

	And then Diamond rose up from out of the seats, and 
took Neptune and Opal by surprise.  Neptune went flying 
from a vicious sword blow.  Opal backpedaled, looking for 
weak spots in Diamond’s armor.  Then he put a dart 
through a joint and into Diamond’s knee, forcing him to 
stop and pull it out.

	While he was doubled over, Neptune dumped a deep 
submerge on him, sending him sprawling.

	Feldspar shouted to the zombies, "Take out the ones 
up in the stands."

	A tidal wave of fanclub members poured towards 
Neptune and Opal, who ran.

************

	Nephrite reappeared and blasted Happousai right off 
Emerald.  A purple gemstone flew into the air from his 
pocket, and Emerald fell down.  Nephrite caught it.  
"Ahh, much better," he said.  

	"Oh, I forgot I stole that back after I hocked it," 
Happousai said.  He brushed the ashes off himself.  "Now 
give it back!"  He charged at Nephrite, who blasted him 
again, then teleported out of the reach of Happousai’s 
counter attack.

	Meanwhile, Sailor Moon was locked in combat with 
Kurumi; it wasn’t easy, fighting off two youma and Kurumi 
at the same time.  In fact, she was getting her ass 
kicked.  She had to flee up into a tree and let the youma 
and Kurumi resume beating each other up to get a 
breather.

	Shampoo was having pretty much the same problem; she 
decided to bail out and help Uranus try to fight Hotaru.  
Uranus had managed to blast her youma foes unconscious, 
letting her concentrate on Hotaru, who was a pretty 
potent foe.  Shampoo began circling for a surprise 
attack.

	Pluto kept firing off dead screams, forcing some 
youma to dodge, and taking others down.  Venus did the 
same with her attacks.  Prudence rained down lightning on 
the youma hordes.  Their foes were too busy avoiding 
being hit to launch an effective counter attack.

	Ryouga saw Moon’s predicament, and managed to grab 
and throw Iron out of his way, then charged Sandstone and 
Granite from behind.  A powerful umbrella swipe knocked 
Sandstone aside, and then he started going toe to toe 
with the hard to hurt, very strong Granite.

	This let Moon drop down and start fighting Kurumi 
again.  Kurumi fought back desperately, trying to get 
enough space to get her ribbon moving properly.

	Tuxedo Mask elongated his cane, and moved in to 
engage Nephrite, but Emerald staggered to her feet and 
formed an energy sword.  "I can’t let you do that," she 
said, then paused.  "You’re not going to glomp onto my 
breasts, are you?"

	"I promise I won’t," he replied.

	"Good, then let’s fight."  They began dueling back 
and forth around Happousai and Nephrite, who were going 
at it hammer and tongs.  Tuxedo Kamen soon observed that 
Emerald was in fact a very, very good sword fighter.

	He slashed high and she parried, following up with a 
lightning quick riposte that forced him to jump back.  
"You always did fall for that," Emerald muttered.

	"Eh?"

	"Nothing."  Emerald continued to press him back, 
away from Happousai and Nephrite.  Nephrite seemed to be 
getting the upperhand.  Tuxedo Kamen’s luck against 
Emerald wasn’t very good, either.

	And then Venus blasted Emerald in the side, causing 
her to stumble, and giving Tuxedo Kamen an opening. He 
darted in and disarmed her.  "Got you!"

	She jumped back and created another flame blade.  
"You were saying?"

	Ryouga, despite his desires, was now going up 
against Natsumi; he forced her to run with a barrage of 
bandanas, then successfully dodged her whirlwind attack 
as well.  He was feeling pretty good about himself, until 
Iron whacked him in the back of the head.  Then Iron and 
Natsumi both started stomping on him.

	Moon dodged another chi-blast from Hotaru; she had a 
lot of power, but not very good aim.  She whispered to 
Uranus, "I’ll keep her attention, you try and circle her 
and attack her from behind."

	Uranus nodded.  She carefully circled around, then 
unleashed an Earth Shaking on Hotaru, who yelped and 
passed out.  Sailor Moon caught her, then took her over 
to rest under a tree, and turned to Youma fighting.


************

	Back at the skating rink, Mercury suggested, 
"Gluttony really isn’t doing anything but eat right now, 
I suggest we go help the others."

	Mars nodded.  "I agree."

	They soon found Opal and Neptune fleeing before the 
onslaught of the zombie hordes.  

	"SHABON SPRAY!"  The mist settled down over the 
zombies, chilling them and dispelling the magics 
controlling them.  They all swooned.

	"Gluttony, come and help us!" Amethyst yelled.

	Back in the concession stand, Gluttony was too busy 
trying to pop some popcorn to hear or care.

	"So much for the unstoppable zombie army," Amethyst 
muttered, as now Neptune, Mars, and Jupiter were free to 
hail down blasts of energy on them.

	"Let’s get Gluttony and get out," Feldspar said.

	"Can’t we let them have him?" Amethyst asked.

	"Unfortunately, no."

************

	Nephrite picked up the unconscious Happousai.  "Grab 
his students; they might be useful," he said to Emerald.

	"That’s rather easier said than done," Emerald 
shouted while continuing to try to hold off Venus and 
Tuxedo Mask at the same time.

	Said students simplified matters, however, because 
when they saw Nephrite had Happousai, the two conscious 
ones charged at him.  He then teleported both of them 
away with himself.  

	Seeing the youma bailing out with their compatriots, 
Sailor Moon quickly ran over to Hotaru and picked her up 
before any of the Youma could grab her.  They vanished 
with their unconscious compatriots in sprays of light.

	Emerald saluted Tuxedo Kamen.  "A good fight, if not 
good enough for you."  Then she vanished as well.

	Artemis came over to Hotaru, examining her 
carefully.  "I think there’s something special about 
her," Artemis said.

	"Well, duh," Venus said.  "Normal people don’t fire 
energy blasts."

	"No, beyond that.  But I’m not sure what."

	"Well, at least we saved one of their victims," 
Sailor Moon said, sighing.  "But we lost the old man and 
the other two underwear theives."

	"And the crystal," Venus pointed out.

	"I’m wondering how the old man got the crystal and 
whatever happened to the Seventh Shadow," Uranus said.

	"Shampoo thinks the old man must have been the 
Seventh Shadow already, somehow."

	Sailor Moon picked up Hotaru.  "Well, maybe this 
girl can tell us once she wakes up."

	Artemis looked around.  "Weird, it looks like they 
were trying to build a building here."

	Shampoo picked up some discarded plans.  "A very 
large building."  She rolled them up.  "Let’s get out of 
here."

	They left.
	
************

	Opal resisted the urge to kick the unconscious 
Mikado in the head, but it wasn’t easy.  

	Mercury said, "I think this was intended as a 
diversion while they made their play for the last of the 
Rainbow Crystals."

	"I think it was just an attempt to pick me and Opal 
off while we were by ourselves," Jupiter said.

	"But that would require them to know who your secret 
identity is," Mercury pointed out. 

	"Well, they know now, as I had to transform with 
them looking."  She sighed.  "But then, they probably 
knew before, or else they would have tried turning me 
into a youma like they did to Mikado too, I think."

	"I wonder why Tourmaline didn’t show up," Luna 
wondered.

	"She must have been busy with something else.  Or 
she’s scared of us," Jupiter said.

	"I don’t think she’s scared of us," Mars said, 
frowning.  "I guess we should be glad they brought 
someone as useless as Gluttony to help them, instead of a 
competent Shadow."

	"Well, the only other Shadow they have is Greed, and 
he works for Nephrite," Mercury pointed out.  "Not 
Tourmaline."

	"True."

************

	Beryl walked through the garden.  The topazes and 
carnelians were flourishing, which pleased her, although 
the agates seemed to be wilting.  She would have to talk 
to the gardener.  

	Moonstone now approached her and curtseyed.  "Your 
highness, the princess is ready now."

	"I look forward to seeing how good of a job you’ve 
done," Beryl replied.

	"I think you will find this version more useful and 
less annoying, your highness."  She led Beryl through the 
garden to one of the gazebos.  

	A table had been laid out with tea and cookies (both 
taken from Earth, since you couldn’t grow any sort of 
food in the Earth style in the Dark Kingdom).  Three 
elegant young ladies sat at the table.  Well, two were 
elegant, and one was drooling slightly and having to be 
restrained from eating by one of the others.  

	The drooler was elegantly dressed in pink and red, 
anyway, while the one restraining her was clad in blue 
and black, both wearing elaborate dresses.  The third was 
the one who compelled Beryl’s attention, however.  She 
was short, with long red hair tied in back with a white 
ribbon into a very loose ponytail that cascaded down in a 
great sheet of hair.  Clad in a simple green dress which 
accentuated her pale skin and deep blue eyes, she now 
rose and curtseyed to Beryl.  "Good day, Mother."

	Beryl turned and glanced at Moonstone, who 
whispered, "We found it made a good foundation to rebuild 
her around.  Call her Ruby."

	Amused, Beryl nodded her head to the redhead.  "Good 
day, daughter."

	Princess Ruby turned to the other two.  "Mother is 
here.  Behave, Morganite."

	Morganite now noticed the queen and went rigid.  
"Your highness!"

	Moonshade whispered to Beryl, "The other two were 
acquired along with the seventh shadow and the last 
crystal.  They’ve been mildly conditioned as well.  The 
other one is Aquamarine."

	The blue-clad woman rose and curtseyed.  "Good day, 
your Highness."

	"Good day," she said, then came over and sat down.  

	"How soon will I be able to help our war efforts on 
Earth, mother?" Princess Ruby asked.

	Moonstone began quietly pouring everyone some tea.  

	"Fairly soon, daughter," Beryl said.  "Do you have 
any particular plans in mind?"

	"Well, I do have a few ideas."

	"Let’s hear them."

	Beryl sat and listened to Ruby lay out her plans, 
and smiled.  Yes, this would prove a much more fruitful 
way to exploit her captive.  And a good source of 
amusement, too...


The End (of this Chapter)

Author’s Postscript:

	Just a quick note.  Morganite is the pink form of 
the category of gemstones known as ‘Beryl’, and 
Aquamarine is the blue form.  Check out 
http://mineral.galleries.com/default.htm, if you want to 
know more about gemstones and minerals than you will 
probably ever need to know.